Elvis is following me!

Okay--some of you may remember the "Elvis Phenomenon" at school last year, when the entire 6th grade became completely and unswervingly convinced that Elvis is my father.

If you'd like details, let me know. I'll just say that they found mine and Kate's blog of yore, saw a picture of a man they thought looked like Elvis (he was a redhead for crying out loud, and it was pretty much a CARTOON) and came to the natural and logical conclusion that A) I was famous because my picture was on a Web site and B) that since "Elvis's" picture was on it also, he must be my father. Naturally. Nevermind the math of the hypothesis given his death date and my birthdate.

Anyway, to the point. At school today--A DIFFERENT SCHOOL than the one I taught in last year--a kid yelled out in the middle of class and asked me if I have my own Web site and if Elvis is my daddy. I ignored it and kept on teaching, but on the inside, I was in hysterics. How rediculously bogus and hilarious is that?? Not only do 8TH GRADERS now believe that Elvis is my father, but we're ON THE OTHER SIDE OF BIRMINGHAM and somehow they've heard this. What the? Maybe he really is my father? Mom?

Isn't that INSANE?? Also, one of my students asked me today if I ever pass gass. Never, in a million years, would I have EVER asked a teacher that question. Now I hesitate to even share that with my readership because of the comments I'm SURE to get from MSKS and yaya, but whatev. Being asked that by an 8th grader with the biggest fro you've ever seen is funny enough to make it worth spilling.

On that note, at the suggestion of one Murry Horn, I'm thinking of writing a memoir. In addition to the one we'll write together, of course. Severed Wasps in Flight: How We Beat the Odds is the title of that one. But I need your help in thinking of a title for this one. Mer's writing one on waitressing called At Your Service: Memoirs of a Waitress, and I think it is SO cute and clever, and she's inspired me to write about my experiences.

Think about it. The material is plenteous. Within a time span of 12 hours in a day, I go from immersion in one extreme end of a disjoined American society to the complete other extreme (Anthro) and from being called "Mi Ha" or "Winterfresh" and being asked if I pass gass to being asked for advice on interior design ideas for a Cottage Living photo shoot or on what to wear to Mountain Brook homecoming.

Now, clearly I belong to neither extreme, which makes this an interesting documentary. Potentially. Really. Think about it--for only about 3 hours (max) of everyday do I ever actually fit into my surroundings, and that is when I am in the basement of my house with the camel crickets. Where do I belong? I'm a constant misfit everywhere I go.

And so I beg the question: What title can I give these collected memoirs? Msk(s), I need your literary flair. Mer, I need your metaphorical genius. This is a call to arms. There are stories to be told.

Twos, courtesy of yaya

Two names you go by: I have never been short on nicknames: 1. C-Murda 2. White Chocolate 3. Winterfresh 4. Clarice 5. Clarita

Two things you are wearing right now: 1. underwear 2. bathrobe (sorry so casual)

Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship: 1. Patience 2. Honesty

Two of your favorite things to do: 1. Watch 24 and The Office 2. Not have anything to do/read and write when there's no pressure to.

Two things you want really badly at the moment: 1. Sleep 2. Either for my principal to return back to school (he is out for the week, so there is no fear in anyone) or to fastforward to Friday when I can leave for the beach

Two things I did last night: 1.Went to hear Matt Kearney at Workplay 2. Ate a worldclass pimento cheese sandwich

Two things you ate today: 1. oatmeal 2. a roastbeef sandwhich (thanks Jimmy)

Two people you last talked to on the phone: 1. Jimmy 2. Elizabeth M.

Two things you're doing tomorrow: 1. going to work 2. trying not to die

Two longest car rides: 1. on a bus to Colorado 2. Hmm...Lexington KY to Starkville and back within 36 hours

Two favorite holidays: 1. CHRISTMAS!!!! 2. Thanksgiving

Two favorite beverages: 1. wine 2. coffee

Two things about me you may not have known: 1. I've never had stitches 2. I don't think Seinfeld (the show not the man...Jerry himself is hysterical) is all that hilarious (sorry yaya)

Two jobs I have had in my life: 1. teacher 2. "sales associate" (I fold shirts and dishtowels)

Two places I have lived in the U.S.: 1. Birmingham, AL 2. Starkville, MS

Two of my favorite foods: 1. Cheese 2. Anything either Italian or green

Battle of the crickets and the swangin' arm

Let me show you what greeted me the other morning as I went to step into the shower. Two of them, to be exact. Because of these monsters (camel crickets. thank you google) lurking in my shower, I went to work unshowered. It was not worth it to get clean after waking up to this.

I got home from school and hurried to the shower to get ready for the Matt Kearney concert (which by the way was SO fun) and THEY WERE STILL THERE. They had not moved two inches. So begins the quest to rid my shower of camel crickets. I didn't want to kill them in the shower, because I didn't want to bathe with cricket guts everywhere, and believe me, there would have been a lot.

I tried slamming a glass down over them, one at a time, to capture them and slide them out with paper under the glass. After they simultaneously lept great heights, nearly taking my eye out, and after I almost shattered the glass trying to catch them, I decided a more lethal measure was called for. Little did I know, the chosen method may be lethal to the camel crickets AND myself.

I used Raid roach spray on them, and it worked, but not quickly. They died a slow and painful death as I hovered over them for at least 5 minutes (each), fumigating their lungs and my bathroom with the spray. Upon their death and removal from my shower, I could barely breathe from the fumes. The basement STILL smells of roach spray. Today I have a cough. There's no point to this story but to explain why I didn't shower for days (lethal air) and to express my hatred for camel crickets (this is not my first experience with them.)

Second note of the day: Oh how I love my job, let me count the ways. I was going through some papers I made my 8th graders write on what they thought the most important thing they've learned in my class so far--one girl wrote, "I learned Miss H walk REALLY fast and if she keep swangin her arm like that, it gone fall off." Yessssssss. They are learning the important things. That's all that matters.

Hope you're all having a good day out there.

October happenings

It seems like this is the first October that I've let almost the whole month go by without doing some favorite October things. Is it even October??

Anyway, it's been a smite fast-paced this month, which is not very Octoberish if you ask me. But such is life. Anyway, I don't have much to blog about really, unless you want to hear more about D-Man's reading progress or how many shirts I folded this week. This is my first Saturday off in awhile, so I thought I'd at least post a few quick thoughts.

1. I MISS these girls. Bad. I don't like going so long without having coffee with them. Such is life, I guess, but does it really have to be this way? Can't me and Yaya just move to Mexico? LT I'm sure we could teach down there, don't you think? Mere and LT, I miss you two. Along with many others. I miss Mary Straton even more than Junior Mints.

2. I'm going to the beach next week! That's right--at the end of October in all my pale glory. Jimmy's coming with me, and I'm really excited because Sam & Katherine will be there, who I haven't seen in ages. We all have a night that we're in charge of for "programming." This is BonBon's idea, of course. We each have to plan something for everyone to do for one night. Me, Jimmy, and Hailey have a night to plan. So....any suggestions? Sardines in the living room? Skinnydipping? (here's a robe for everyone....let's go!! how hilarious would the look on Carey's face be??) Scrabble? The Office? A poetry reading? Paint by numbers? A foot race? The possibities are really endless with such a crowd as this.

3. I am about to embark on the last episodes of the 3rd season of 24. Sam and Katherine, are you with me? I continue to be amazed. This show DEFINES the plot twist. It's brilliant, and I am again emploring anyone who hasn't yet given it a chance to try it. Give yourself two episodes and you WILL be hooked. Except maybe only for Laura. I have layed down my three conditions for ending my relationship with Jack Bauer: 1) if Kim Bauer gets killed off, 2) if Tony Almeida turns out to be a mole, and 3) if President David Palmer turns out to be bad. If any of these things occur, I'm done. My little girl heart won't be able to take it. But I'm boring all you non-24 fans.

4. I just got back from Peivine Falls at Oak Mtn park, where I went on a mini hike and ate supper by a cliff. It was beautiful. I also practiced my swing at the driving range, which was one of the top ten most frustrating things I've ever done. How many golfers do I have reading out there? Kudos to you. Apparently I'm just no good at anything requiring precise (or any) aim.

(See picture above: Me trying to look natural with a golf club in hand amongst several seasoned golfers. This one's for you, Mur)

Left: Me & Jimmy

Right: Pretty fall path

Weekend hikes and IT'S OCTOBER!!

Hello, Worldwide Readership.

It's Monday night and I'm feeling it. I have a permanent case of the sore throat/allergy complex, which after two months makes me think I need to see a doctor. You can only take so much Nyquil/Dayquil and Claritin before you have to admit it's not working. Who needs a doctor though? It's nothing a little edamame and a glass of red wine won't cure.

I spent this weekend working a little at Anthro (love it, by the way!) and enjoying some time spent in the Alabama outdoors with the massive family of one JE Jr. We ate, threw the frisbee, played with small children (a lot of them) played football (I just got the video footage) and hiked up to Bald Rock for sunset. It was a great time. I made a slideshow of the pictures to avoid forcing my faithful and massive readership to scroll for five minutes to see them all. They look much better in color, but I loved this slideshow style as seen on Hailstorm's blog.

A couple more points of interest:

1. It's the first day of October! Time to celebrate. October is my favorite month for several reasons, which I will not go into. I'll only say that Kate and I have not yet started our Things to Do in October list, which has become an annual tradition. Painting, making caramel apples, carving pumpkins and eating the seeds, and laying on hammocks are among our favorites. Here are some thoughts I posted this time last year to commemorate the commencement of October. Seems apropos once again:

Autumn is the season when a year grows old. Its strength begins to wane, its light begins to go dim. It is a reminder of our own mortality and faltering strength. It is the season when we begin to look, not to the earth for hope, but toward a "city not made with hands, whose architect and builder is God." Outwardly we are wasting away, but inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

I had a few more points of interest, but I'm going to have to leave them now, as I hear water boiling in the kitchen. It's time for the edamame and red wine, and then I'm showering, reading, and going to bed. I know everyone is so jealous of the exciting lives teachers lead.

Until next time...