Just a few things...

Not sure why I love Mondays, but I do. Just a couple of things today to share with my worldwide readership:

1. Happy birthday Travis! T-Wolfe, aka Travioli, and his wife Laurette are two good friends from State and quite possibly two of my favorite people in the world. Today is Trav's 25th, so a birthday salute is definitely in order. To my fellow Kenny Chesney hater--may your skies be as blue as your coffee is black, your cigars as mellow as a Jimmy Buffett tune, and your troubles as miniscule as your delicate china tea cup. Love ya, Trav! Happy 25th.

2. I just ordered an exorbitant number of books from ebay and amazon for my classroom library. Now, those of you who know me well will know that I've always had a thing for libraries. (Hailey, keep your mouth shut.) It is one of my truest desires that one day I might have a room in my house reserved only for books. The walls of this room shall be lined with wooden shelves, and there will be a fireplace, big soft chairs, books, a reading lamp, and nothing else. Except maybe a fog machine.

In light of this aspiration, I've been building a personal library over the years. Since starting to teach in August, I have found myself on an unending quest to make my students love to read. Hence, my library building has switched from childhood favorites (Pippi Longstocking, Alice in Wonderland, Anne of Green Gables) and other classics and good reads (in my opinion) to hyper adolescent literature, which I suppose are also good reads, except that now I'm too broke to build two libraries at once. See list below to peruse the newest additions to my new (and urban) library.

Forged by Fire by Sharon Draper, The Pact by Dr. Rameck Hunt, Bang by Sharon Flake, and The Piano Lesson by August Wilson. Just a sampling of the new additions to the library. Not quite Alice in Wonderland, but it takes all kinds to make a world.

3. My little sister, Hailey, is living in Birmingham this summer for an internship. I'm pumped. She's a photographer...a really good one. She's also way cuter than me, to my (massive, I'm sure) male readership. Also, she's a walking quirk if ever there was one. What can I say, she learned from the best.

Here's to Monday!

Pomp and feast and revelry!

Four weeks and one day, and I'm a free woman. I am getting a part time job, though, for the sake of my savings account, which doesn't exist anymore.

Anyway, I'm either going to lifeguard and teach swimming lessons or work at the Trak Shak in Homewood. Well, only if I can first get past the spelling of the name. Krazy, kool spellings are, to me, equivalent to soaking in a tub of warm mayonnaise. There's a group of hard core runners that gather on Wednesdays at 5 in the front and run (mostly old men), which would be good for motivation.

Also, I might help with data collection for the state of Alabama's birdflu preparedness project out of the UAB School of Public Health. Doesn't sound too exciting, but the money's good.

Anyway, I'm thinking out loud. Oh what ever should I do?


Four trifling thoughts from the weekend:
1. I hate Nickelback
2. Stranger Than Fiction is a work of masterful genius
3. Never eat a whole handful of chocolate covered espresso beans in one sitting
4. Why does our golden retriever urinate every time I talk to him?

Could you repeat that please??!!

Okay, Laura won't post this on her blog because it's too risky, so I will post it on mine. Below you will find a comment one of her students made to her yesterday, and quite frankly, it's made my week. Thought you all should read this. Also, I'm including some top conversations/comments from my year thus far (only four weeks and one day left!) Yes, all dialogs below are true stories. After hearing most of these comments, I had to ask to hear them again. They are that good.

Enjoy.

1. Student to Laura: "Mi T, I didn't know BREAFAS HAS A SILENT K!!!"

2. Male student to me: "Can I go use it?"
Me: "No."
Male student: "But I'm in a tiiiight!"
Me: "I'm sorry about that. You can't leave the room. Sit down."
Male student: "I GOTTA UUUUUUSSSSSSSSEEEEEE IT!!!!!!!"
Me: "You are not leaving this classroom. Conversation over."
Male student: "BUT MY WATER GONE BREAK!!!!"

3. Student: "You know how you capitalize Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.....?"
Me: "Yes?"
Student: "Well, do you capitalize the weekends?"

4. Student, referring to the sunglasses I had on when I got out of my car one morning: "I saw you this morning wearin yo hater blockers!!"

5. Student outburst in the middle of class: "Do you have a boyfriend or did you put him in a box to the left?"

6. Me: "Do any of you know what started WWI?"
Student: "When they knocked down the twin towers."

7. Student, after I refused to do the "walk it out" in class: "Yo daddy ELVIS and you won't dance for us?! He would be ASHAMED of you."
*Note: several of them really do think Elvis is my father.

And last but MOST CERTAINLY not least...

8. "You make me feel like the breeze, easy and lovely." -note intercepted in class

Visual DNA: I'm a wildcat

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Well, here's my visual DNA. Thanks, Heather. Interesting little process.

WILDCAT
They live life to the full, take any opportunity that's given to them. Always first to take the plunge, they are bold and sometimes a little wild.
Really?

ESCAPE ARTIST
They are forever slipping off, getting away from the rat race, and recharging those batteries. Independent and thoughtful, they know themselves well.
You and me both, Feath. I always knew we were the introspective types.

BACK TO BASICS
They are striving for a simpler life, they do without disposable trends - they are inspired by nature and longevity.
True enough.

LOVEBUG
They are the type to fall in love a thousand times a day. Their feelings snowball quickly, and they are full of passion. They're a bit of a softie. Love is unconditional and loyal.
Yes.

A tribute to the Emerald Monster...

...Otherwise known as Emmy, my dear vehicle of seven years that has carried me through college and beyond, taken many a wrong turn and endured many a prank, pothole and entirely too many flat tires. She's been a loyal one.

As sad as I am to lose her, I must admit I am comforted by the fact that I've returned to my first love, the Volvo. Even so, Emmy's durability and dependability will be hard to match.

And so I must pay tribute.


The Emerald Monster's top moments/traits:

1. The freshman year double pothole/double flat episode en route to Old Venice from Rice Hall via Blackjack Road. Kate, you remember. Thanks again, Kell, for the extra spare tire. I still owe you for that one.

2. Road trip to Charleston...harrassing truckers and getting flipped off by every driver between Mississippi and South Carolina for doing 50 in the fast late. And lest we forget clutch. Again, Kate, you were there for that one. I don't think elaboration is appropriate here.

3. Walking out of my apartment my senior year to find poor Emmy covered in red dirt. Thanks Kate and Hossy.

4. Getting pulled over by the Starkville police for "suspicious behavior"--driving whilst dangling a dead rat out the driver window--noosed with orange caution tape.

5. Cruising the bypass with a cup of joe, Meredith Murphy, the Kentucky dream, and Rascal Flatts' "Feels Like Today." No questions, please.

6. Innocently following runners and bikers through town, driving at their pace, blaring "Eye of the Tiger" with the windows down. I had no idea they were running right next to me. Really, I didn't.

7. The slower-than-molasses driver's side window with which I've held up many a bank drive-through line.

8. The joyful chirp of the passenger automatic door lock--often mistaken for a chorus of mockingbirds.

9. Painted windows. Mainly for campaigns and confessions of love for Adam Telle.

10. The elusive "moderate" setting on the windshield wiper intervals. Two speeds: Tortoise and lightning. No inbetween. Such is life.

Thanks for the good times, Emmy. I'll miss you.

Leave a good thing alone

Alright, I'm blogging on Friday night. Normally my excuse would be the fact that it's Friday, and we all know what teachers are like on Friday, don't we? Well, LT understands anyway. I have no such excuse...this week is spring break.

I heard something today on the radio that demands immediate attention. I think I've heard it before, but I'd forgotten about it. Blocked it from my memory, which I will do again right after I alert you all to this tragic case of musical detonation.

On my way to Starkville today, I turn on the radio in my car and am flabbergasted to hear Vince Gill singing not one of his classic tunes, but Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." I almost pulled over for a moment of silence.

Now, I am of the belief that if you can't sing a song as good or better than its original artist, you should leave it alone. It's bad enough when Rascal Flatts redoes "Life is a Highway" and Lonestar (of all groups) tries their hand at "Walking in Memphis," but come on, Whitney Houston? Vince Gill? Seriously? It was a shameless travesty...blasphemous...a mockery.

Now the memories of my first 7th grade slow dance are dashed. Thanks, Vince.

Death destroyed

I just came across this passage in an article I was reading this morning and wanted to post it. My mind has been reeling over Monday's massacre in Blacksburg, as I'm sure ya'lls have too, and I've found it nearly impossible not to dwell on the darkness and horror of it all.

I love this mini-sermon by John Chrysostom because I think it beautifully articulates the fact that just as there exists such unimaginable monstrosity, there also exists the other extreme--life and beauty incomprehensible--because of an infinitely good and faithful God. Though it is completely horrifying, it has already been conquered. In such sadness, may this be where we dwell.

"Let no one grieve at his poverty,

for the universal kingdom has been revealed.

Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again;

for forgiveness has risen from the grave.

Let no one fear death, for the Death of our Savior has set us free.

He has destroyed it by enduring it."

You and your liver: How far would you go?

I've been tossing around the idea of a 10-day detox since Easter weekend. Now, lest you start to label me, let me assure you that I am not the earthy type who demands that all food be organic and all medicinals be herbal. Nor do I wear Berkinstocks year round, and yes, my feet have arches and no, I do not wear or smoke hemp. Just in case I needed to clarify.

I am health conscious, however, and this detox diet intrigues me. This diet, aka the lemonade diet, requires that one down 32 oz. of sea salt water first thing every morning (in one sitting), drink a gallon of spring water mixed with the juice of 5 lemons, grade B molasses, and cayenne pepper (for the liver) throughout the day, and have one cup of herbal laxative tea every night before bed. That's it. No food, no medicine (for any reason), and no compromises for 10 days.

My sister, Hailey, is on her 8th day of said diet, and she is blogging about it. I would link it, but it's graphic. You wouldn't want to read it. If you do, email me and I'll send you the link. Anyway, she's on the 8th day. Has pink eye in both eyes, a sore throat, her tongue is white, she has back pain, and can barely talk. To me, it doesn't seem as though her body is being detoxed. Deteriorating, perhaps, but not detoxed.

And so I've put my detox plans on hold for now, and instead decided to drink liver tea every night. Supposedly, it promotes healthy liver function and helps digest fats and promotes digestion by aiding in the manufacture of bile.

I just tried some, and it's pretty gross. Anything that contains all five tastes (sweet, sour, bitter, pungent, and salty) is bound to be disgusting, if you ask me. It's zesty, I'll give it that much.

My question to all of you is this: How far would you go for a quality liver? Would you, daily, gulp down a steaming mug of virtual liquid curry? Would you have 32 oz. of saltwater for breakfast every morning, give yourself the runs and not eat for 10 days straight? Oddly enough, I'm still considering it.

Just thought I'd take a poll.

Celebrating the long-eared wonder

Gooood MORNING Viet Scranton!

Hope everyone had an extraordinary weekend. I sure did. I attended Mule Day 2007 in Columbia, Tennessee. One word: Wondrous. Magnificent. Sensational. Downright awe-inspiring, if you will.

A few friends and I packed up on Friday and headed out to stay with our friend Will's family in Columbia to experience this fine occasion. After a morning Rotary breakfast of pancakes, mule sausage, coffee, Mountain Dew, and carbonated orange juice, we headed out to see the parade. Mules, horses, sheep, miniature mules, the Mule Queen and her court, child beauty queens, boy scouts, political parties, local politicians, and anyone else who felt like hopping on the parade that day (our friend Benj, for example) made their way through downtown Columbia as we looked on in the April rain. It was truly magical.

I learned a lot--for instance, the mule is an animal of the herd, so a lone mule is in fact a very lonely mule. Also, did you know donkeys evolved in the desert? I didn't. To top it off, I discovered a delightful affection and fervor for the miniature mule and shetland donkey that I never knew I had. You laugh, but I'm serious.

Will's parents were so sweet to host us--they fed us, housed us, and entertained us all weekend--and his dad took us on a hayride and built a bonfire afterwards. Sweet memories in the making. I'm posting a few favorite pictures from the weekend. Seriously, if you've never been to Mule Day, you're missing out.

One more day...

Maybe I'll make it, maybe I won't. If I don't, Mere, you inherit my journals, as you've always requested. I filled out five suspensions today, for the various daring and sundryundertakings of my students (not excluding extracting weave from another student's head and setting off the school's fire alarm...twice) had to take my class to the library and lock the doors due to a psycho parent (yes, a restraining order had already been issued), got sick after eating the potato salad in the cafeteria (big mistake), and then my computer crashed.

There is more, but I'll spare you. Needless to say, I'm flat on my back and counting the minutes until spring break. One more day.

Here are some pictures of our sweet golden retriever, Dooley. He got neutered today...stripped of his manhood. I think so far he's taking it quite well, though I think the lampshade is confusing him.

Sweet pup.

I think these pictures of him accurately portray how both of us feel today.

Ah HAH!!

Piggybacking off Tricia's last blog entry, I am going to say a few words about the new season of the Bachelor.

I don't typically follow this show, but this one intrigued me for some reason. I laughed my way through the first episode, and my roommate Courtney and I both decided that something is wrong with this guy. He's hot. He's smart. He's patriotic. He seems like a caring, down to earth individual--at least that's his first impression. We all know he isn't good at those, though, right Stephanie?

The fact that he's even on the show makes me believe something's not quite right. There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, if you will.

During the second episode, it hit me like a ton of bricks just what is rotten.

HE'S GAY.

Now, the picture you see here should be all you need to see that. But in case that's not enough, reference Monday night's episode when he got splashed by water from the hot tub. He looked like a silly schoolgirl fighting off a tickle attack.

So, there you have it. Fall in love as fast as you want, girls. Flaunt that first impression rose left and right, Steph. This gentleman is more likely to opt for Stephen than Stephanie.

The only words keeping me going at this point...

One week until spring break...sevenish weeks after that until summer. These verses are the theme of my song and the joy of my heart at present, as without these truths, I'd surely be drowning in turbulence and uproar from 7:45-3:30.

There's no tired like teacher tired, right Mrs. Sassafras?

Jehovah will perfect that which concerneth me. Thy lovingkindness, O Jehovah, endureth forever. Forsake not the work of Thine own hands.
Psalm 138:8

...As thy days, so shall thy strength be.
Deuteronomy 33:25

Easter in Nashville

Just got in from Nashville. Happy Easter! It was a great day...I got to follow around my cousins' baby girls, Kate & Gracie, as they experienced their first Easter egg hunt (and by that I mean we threw the eggs down in the grass and they picked them up.) Yes, Gracie is wearing a bunny jacket. For a moment, it made me want a little one. But just for a moment.

That's it for now. Oh, I did add one more item to my running list of 43 things to do before I die. I want to perform in The Sound of Music. As Liesel. Do you think I could do it?

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"

a few favorite pictures of late

To the left:
my cute
brother &
sister in law
at their
reception in
December

Upper right:
as seen in the dressing room at the
above forementioned wedding

Below: a yard in my neighborhood

Above left: a street in my neighborhood
Above left: church last Sunday
To the right: my hero, inspiration, and former lover

My list.

On the tails of Lacey and Laura, I've made the list of things I want to do before I die. It's tentative, but most items on the list have been there for a long, long time, so they probably won't soon be coming off. Particularly #'s 15, 18 and 20. Here they are, in no particular order.

1. Dance like nobody's watching
Kidding. I just wanted to make you throw up a little bit.

2. Adopt a foster child
Just one…or three or twelve.

3. Spend Christmas in New York
Or shoot…just GO to New York. I’ve always been in love with New York City, but I’ve never been there. Oh to spend Christmas Eve ice skating at Rockefeller Center.

4. Start playing the piano again
I still remember the last song I ever played on the piano: Velocity. And I played it with gusto. Now, I can’t even play chopsticks. I couldS kick myself for quitting. So, I want to relearn. Or, I could always go back to the trumpet.

5. Learn to love sushi
I try to love it, I really do. It’s so healthy and chic. But I have a lot of trouble with this endeavor. It’s just so…squishy.

6. Start an inner-city residential school with Anna Duggan somewhere in the South
Duggan and I have had this in the works for a couple of years now. She and I will teach, but we’ll need people to do PR, fundraising, and administration. Any takers?

7. Run the Boston Marathon
Ideally, this would happen before I’m 30. You don’t even want to know how painfully far away from this goal I am right now.

8. Pull off the perfect prank
And just what is the perfect prank, you ask? Can’t tell. You may be the victim.

9. Watch all 5 previous seasons of 24
Live a day with Jack Bauer, if you will. This could easily happen this summer. Starting at 8:00 a.m. one day, and ending at 8:00 a.m. the following day. Makes perfect sense, really.

10. Live in a foreign country
France, China, Mexico, Austria, Yemen, New Zealand, Russia, Switzerland, Alabama. It’s all the same. I want to live abroad for at least a year of my life…not sure how, when, or where this would happen, but it’s worth a top spot on the list. Well, okay, maybe not Mexico.

11. Write a book
I love to write. When there’s no pressure to write, anyway. How much fun would it be to write children’s books?? I did actually begin a novel with my best friend in junior high entitled, “The Mysterious Chrome Ladder,” does that count?

12. Pick one favorite author and read everything they ever wrote
I just like this idea.

13. Stop hitting the snooze button
The snooze should never have been invented. It really has no purpose…no quality additional sleep ever comes from hitting the snooze button.

14. Work in an art museum
Or a multi-arts organization/festival. Ever since the summer of 2003, this has been on the top half of the list. Love it.

15. Own a canoe, and row it often
Laugh all you want, but I’m serious. Very serious, actually. I already tried to get one on ebay…but just before I cast my bid, I noticed the fine print at the bottom: “inflatable canoe and paddles.”
Better luck next time.

16. Live next door to Meredith M. Horn
We are double trouble when we’re together, so naturally I think we should not only live in the same state, but also on the same street.

17. Buy a really old house and fix it up
Old houses are the best houses.

18. Be in a Movie
Okay, I realize that this probably won’t happen, but old dreams die hard. I still have the “money for California” piggybank from my childhood, and I will never throw it away. Ever.

19. Plant red tulips
Anytime I’ve ever tried to plant anything, it basically starts growing already dead. I want to plant a TON of red tulips and watch them grow…

20. Have coffee with Martin Short
Those of you who know me will need no explanation.

21. Perform in The Sound of Music
One of the greatest musicals of all time. Could I please be Liesel??!! Better start voice lessons tomorrow.

"Hey White Chocolate, let me teach you how to C-walk!"

I've just walked in the door from school, and all I can do right now is sit here and stare at the wall. Well, and blog. Today kicked off state testing, and I thought it would be relatively tame after yesterday's three fights within a 20 minute time span. WRONG. Manhandling 12 year olds all day is one thing, but being shoved and told to "get up out my face, I'm not playin witchyou," is quite another. Not surprisingly, we have a conference tomorrow with this student, the parent, our assistant principal, and four other teachers.


But alas. This blog is not about teaching. It is about matters far more serious, like C-walking. See picture above. This, a semi-typical day in my classroom, may give you a small peek into my world. After a heartbreak of a day like today, I usually need to take a few minutes to get re-centered (is that even a word?) and wonder over these fascinating personalities that have made their way into both my nerves and my heart.

So, I'm posting a couple of my favorite pictures I've taken this year...is this a legal hazard? If so, someone please tell me.

Ode to Seth and Laura Beth

614 Greensboro Street, December 2005
I sat at the kitchen table and thought,
"It's good to be alive!"
In strolls Laura Beth, with her sparkling winter's tan
"Seth and I are dating," said she, a can of Pimp Juice in her hand.

"Oh my!" was my reply, "Do tell me how this transpired!"
LB pulled up a chair and tossed her hair and said with a twinkle in her eye...
"Over coffee at LJ's and nights at Crusade,
this mere seedling of like
grew to a love fern gloriously displayed."

Days and weeks passed, and with my own eyes I did see
this love fern of splendor
grow into a tall, sturdy Oak Tree.
LB fled to Brussels, and I moved to the Ham
While poor, poor Seth
Journeyed off to the Rebels' heartland

As we parted ways, I must admit
My heart worried about this Oak Tree,
and just what would come of it.
More days and weeks passed, and the Oak Tree grew and grew,
Laura Beth came home, and Seth yelped, "I love you!"

So now here we are
On this April spring day,
LB with a ring on her hand
and a wedding to plan,
and Seth crying, "Yippeeyo Yippeeyay!"

And lest I forget to say...
That these words he spoke (without hesitation,)
"Oh the day that we marry,
there shall be palm trees asway!"

Congrats to them both, for I love them so,
To my heart they are both so dear
On their wedding day, I think I may
Shed one solitary tear

Palm Sunday

Here it is, Sunday night, and I'm blogging AGAIN. Seriously...I cannot continue at this rate, or I will literally get nothing else accomplished. But before I dive into the pile of papers I must grade before bed, I wanted to post a hymn we sang at church tonight.

I love Palm Sunday. Love it. There's something about the image of Jesus, with his jaw set like flint, riding into Jerusalem with such steady, unwavering decisiveness that leaves me astonished everytime I think about it. I am once again astounded at the depth and changeless nature of his love.

Here's the hymn.

Who is This so Weak and Helpless
Words by William Walsham How, 1867

Who is this, so weak and helpless,
child of lowly Hebrew maid,
Rudely in a stable sheltered,
coldy in a manger laid?
'Tis the Lord of all creation,
who this wondrous path has trod;
He is God from everlasting,
and to everlasting God.

Who is this, a Man of sorrows,
walking sadly life's hard way,
Homeless, weary, sighing,
weeping over sin and Satan's sway?
'Tis our God, our glorious Savior,
who above the starry sky
Is for us a place preparing,
where no tear can dim the eye.

Who is this? Behold Him shedding
drops of blood upon the ground!
Who is this, despised, rejected,
mocked, insulted, beaten, bound?
'Tis our God, who gifts and graces
on His church is pouring down;
Who shall smite in holy vengeance
all His foes beneath His throne.

Who is this that hangs there dying
while the rude world scoffs and scorns,
Numbered with the malefactors,
torn with nails, and crowned with thorns?
'Tis our God who lives forever
'mid the shining ones on high,
In the glorious golden city,
reigning everlastingly.

Uh oh...

I can already tell this is going to be horrible for time management. Seriously...I've finally gotten used to the kind of time management I need to have to balance work and grading with having a moderately normal social life, and now I'm blogging again. Consider it all shot. I woke up thinking about blogging this morning.

I think it's going to be worth it, though. See Exhibit A. This is one of the best things I've ever seen, so naturally I want to share it with all of you. This is actual record album cover art. And artful it is, indeed. Why have I never heard of this phenom? A handless organist? Really? Not unlike Yanni and his majestic, awe-inspiring man-mane, such talent should never remain hidden in the shadows of Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, and the like. Come on people, don't you know real musical flair when you see it??!!

Enter the Handless Organist. Truly a miracle of God.