Christmas happenings

Two things I cannot find words to describe--how much I love my students and how much I love being away from them. This break, so far, has been life giving. All you teachers out there, I know you understand.

Aaaahhhh.

Hope Christmas was wonderful for you, my Worldwide Readership. For me it was absolutely pulchritudinous (I just learned that word--it's a synonym for lovely.) I just realized I didn't take very many pictures, though, unfortunately, so I will post some pictures of the festivities leading up to the glorious Christmas day.

(left): Couples' stocking exchange at Melissa's...I would have posted a picture of Kate and Will, were all of them not so X rated (love you Kate).

Mine and Jimmy's stocking was pretty G rated, if that--sets of fake redneck teeth and a stick of Black & Beautiful Cocoa Butter (for the hair, not the bread, I assume).

(right): Wine night & ornament shower at our house for my two roommates, Kate & Courtney, both soon to wed. A very fun night for all.

(below left): All our friends who have lived in this house at some point, also taken at the ornament shower. (below right): Hailstorm's graduation from Western Kentucky--she's all done, photojournalism degree in hand! The graduation was long, but it was good to spend time in Nashville with family. Congrats Hailey!

below left: Another shower for Kate & Will, this time in Shannon, MS at the Witthauer's house. So many faces I miss--all in the same room to celebrate with the happy couple and play

Christmas charades. I got "holly." Come on. We had so much fun--I miss these girls so much!

below left: Best date of 2007 (I know, I know, some of you are thinking best date since '98) For our Christmas date, Jimmy took me to get wine & appetizers downtown, and then we went to see Christmas Vacation at the Alabama Theatre (probably my favorite place in Bham!!) which was GLORIOUS. Then we got dinner afterwards. It was SO much fun. Really--what could be better than that? "I don't KNOW, Margot."

below right: The pictures I'm sure you've all been waiting for--A Dickens of a Party 2007, featuring my 7th grade students. Here you see the Ghost of Marley reading a well-prepared letter to Ebenezer Scrooge himself, honoring him and his new outlook on life.

Here are a few more pictures from that blessed event, which turned out surprisingly well, albeit HILARIOUS. They took it shockingly seriously, even giving Scrooge and Fred (thanks Greg and Benj) a proper Victorian-era introduction and greeting. Below right you see the Ghost of Christmas Future. She's a lot scarier than she looks, believe me.

To the left: The Ghost of Christmas Past reads her letter to Scrooge

Below right: Tiny Tim shares his sentiments

Below: Scrooge, Fred, and myself

All in all, it was a fantastic Christmas season, and I don't consider it over yet. Christmas is never over, as Scrooge would now say, and I won't even begin to think of taking down my tree before New Year's.

Hope you're all having a great week.

In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness, and the
darkness has not overcome it.
John 1:4,5

A festive survey

Here are my Christmas questions you've all been so anxiously awaiting.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Hmm...I do enjoy wrapping boxes, but let's be honest--I usually end up in a hurry and use a gift bag. Sorry msk(s). However, this year, yours IS in a box with a bow! Proud?


2. Tree--Real or Artificial? Love the smell, not so sure about the hassle. We had a real one every year when I was little, but most years we had a fake one. It was just as Christmasy both ways.


3. When do you put your Christmas tree up? Right after Thanksgiving


4. When do you take the tree down? I prefer to take it down the day after New Years Day.

5. Like egg nog? I like it, but don't prefer it. I'm with you msk(S), I love a mug full of marshmallows.

6. Do you have a nativity scene? No, but I hope I do not too many seasons from now.

7. Favorite gift received as a child? There are several I remember getting dangerously fired up about--a record it yourself alarm clock on which my mom had pre-recorded Clifford singing the San Fransico song and a collection of brightly colored wigs, to name a couple.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My dad, by FAR.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Easy--Yaya.

10. Worst Christmas gift? I can't remember anything bad--a student last year gave me a half used bottle of hotel lotion, but it was so heartfelt that there's no way I can count that. I still have it. (It was the student I posted a video of who told me I needed to take a vacation to Japan)

11. Mail or email a Christmas Card? Real mail


12. Favorite Christmas movie? The (original) Grinch, A Christmas Carol, and Elf


13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I usually start slow and end in panic the week of Christmas. However, this year, I was 85% finished by Thanksgiving and finished the second week of December. A record.


14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Not that I can recall...


15. Favorite food to eat on Christmas? I LOVE cheese grits on Christmas morning.


16. Clear or colored tree lights? I prefer clear


17. Favorite Christmas Song? "O Come, O Come Emmanuel"


18. Travel during Christmas or Stay home? I like staying home, but travelling is fun too. I just don't like to travel ON Christmas day.


19. Can you name Santa's reindeer? yes.


20. Angel or Star on tree top?
I love Angelina, the angel doll that has hung daintily from the ceiling above our family's tree since I can remember. I love her. But I like glittery stars as well.


21. Open presents on Christmas Eve or morning?
Morning! Me, Sammer, and Hailey used to open the presents we got each other on Christmas Eve.


22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
AFA emailing me thrice daily whining about Lowe's referral to the Christmas tree as a "family tree" in their catalog. I truly believe that they think boycotting and nitpicking is going to solve the world's problems. Don't get me started.

Victorian revelry shall abound

Once again, I'm blogging after a loooong day of work when I should be sleeping. However, once I do get home, it usually takes a few minutes before I can calm down enough to actually fall asleep, so why not blog?

It's been a hectic week. The reason (previous post) I was scouting boys' scarves and plastic battery operated candles at the Dollar Tree is because on Friday my seventh graders and I are having a Dickensonian Christmas party. They read and watched A Christmas Carol, researched the Victorian era, and have taken on the persona of one of Dickens' characters for this shindig, which is being thrown in honor of Scrooge's new outlook on life. They have to talk, walk, behave, and breathe like any young child of Victorian London would have. Parlor games, traditional Victorian music, decor, and revelry will abound in a matter of hours.

The problem is, they (and I) are incredibly unprepared for this. It's amazing how much I assume my students know that they just don't. And when they saw the movie, they asked me where the black people were. I said, "in this room." I told them THEY are responsible for portraying the black version of all the characters, and Scrooge is counting on them to do so.

Don't you wish you could be there? I'll take pictures.

Last night I went to the Behold the Lamb of God concert, which was INCREDIBLE. It's a yearly conglomeration of singer/songwriters who come together for a concert of songs to tell the story of Christ. The songs tell the story of the Old Testament up to the birth of Jesus. It is beautiful. Last year, Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken were two of the people there; this year Bebo Norman and Sara Groves lent their vocals along with regulars.

If you've ever read the blog I write on about school, teaching, and my students (it was part of my final thing for grad school) you know that I am obssessed with Sara Groves, as I wrote bits of her lyrics on the blog ALL the time. Many of her songs have pulled me through tons of very hard days since last August, and last night I got a chance to tell her that. Lo--she was a middle school English teacher! I knew we had a kindred bond. I'm glad Jimmy nearly made me talk to her, as I am not one to leap at the well known. However, it was a very non-awkward, heartfelt conversation, and I didn't stutter. She even gave me a bit of valuable teaching advice. Anyway, I bore you.

More stories and pictures later. Goodnight!

At long last

It's been forever since I've blogged, I'm making my big comeback with little to say that is of any real importance. All I do is work now pretty much, as apparently I was smoking crack when I decided to work a second job. But I've already said that on here, haven't I? What was that? Twice? Sorry to repeat.

The social life has suffered a smite, but the stories still abound. You know what I've found? You may find this hard to believe, but of the two jobs, the people at Anthropologie are weirder. Customers, that is. I really do want to write a book. Your assumption is probably that my students would be a little more out there than the customers of an outlandishly expensive clothing/home store. Right? Wrong. Read the following facts and BELIEVE THEM AS TRUTH.

1. Today a lady I checked out came to the register wearing EVERYTHING she was buying. She held out a handful of tags for me to ring up, and yelled at me throughout the whole process (a complicated one, I assure you, as she was covered in those hard sensors that you have to remove on the counter with a magnetic thing) She left, only to return a minute later for the dress she'd come IN wearing, which she'd handed to the fitting room attendant as she fled. THEN, after she left a second time, we found her UNDERWEAR in the fitting room. Yes.

2. A lady came in once, went to the fitting room, and the came walking out rather quickly--we later found a trail of poo (apparently she was sick and it'd been running down her leg) from the fitting room to the door outside. Who needs to drop bread crumbs??!!

3. Someone once left a nice pile of doo in the corner of a fitting room. Now, THIS has happened in my classroom (last year). That was a 6th grader, this was a grown woman.

That's all for now. I'm sure there will be more. I need to go to bed, as it's absurd that I'm even awake right now, much less crafting fine literature. A contact fell out of my eye today at the Dollar Tree while I was picking up several young boys' scarves and plastic battery operated candles (which I will explain in a post yet to come), and I've been crosseyed ever since.

Hope everyone had a good Monday--four more to go! Goodnight unto all.

Welcome to the world, Emily Kate Butler!

Seriously, what am I doing awake right now? And blogging? Rediculous. Hope this isn't asking for it this week.

Got some good, good news, though! My dear friend Kelly (Flowers) Butler had her baby girl, Emily Kate yesterday morning. She is 6 lbs., 14 oz. and both are doing great. I was going to post the picture in the email Michael sent out, but I don't know if Kelly wants her new baby girl broadcast in the blogosphere just yet. I'll definitely take pictures when I meet her and post those.

Congrats to Kelly & Michael!!

Name them one by one...

In the spirit of my second favorite holiday, I'm following suit after MSKS and LT in making my list of a few things for which I'm grateful. There's a current drought for blogging material and lack of time for blogging, so this is a good reason to sit down and make a cheesy, yet honest, list.

1. cold weather

2. a sweet family

3. transportation

4. pumpkins (the wonder veggie)

5. fireplaces

6. many best friends

7. books

8. a job and approximately 100 ruffians that I love

9. Patty Griffin

10. a house to live in and three spectacular roommates to share it with

11. Maggie

12. coffee

13. grace

14. alarm clocks

15. the CHI (I'm with you Swart)

16. opportunities

17. email

18. rainboots

19. Dayquil

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Satan personified

Post title got your attention? Read on.

Those of you who've met James L. Entrekin, Jr. will find this especially funny, but those of you who haven't will still chuckle. He's in New Orleans this weekend working with Redeemer Pres. to help demolish houses in order for the next group coming in to rebuild. Last night, I got quite the dramatic phone call letting me know that despite deadly threats like asbestos and black mold (they have to wear masks), he's hanging in despite a recent waltz with death. Did he breathe in the black mold? No. Did he get asbestos poisoning? Nope. All good. Did he saw his arm off while cutting down a tree? Absolutely not.

What happened, then, you ask? He was attacked by...a caterpillar. Yep. You read that right. My response, after laughing hysterically, was "aaww, that's kind of cute! You got attacked by a cuddly caterpillar!" to which he quickly replied, "Claire, it was Satan personified."

This morning I had the following email in my inbox, with an attached picture of the thing, officially called the Lo Moth, which he googled, just for me:

Cuddly?? You try and cuddle with that thing and see what kind of explilatives come from your mouth!! That thing is a venomous demon! The story: I was chopping down a tree, it fell on my arm, latched onto me with its octopus like suction-feet, and stung me with its over 100 poisonous quills... my arm began to immediately swell as the poison began rushing through my blood... I began to notice some of my normal functioning being affected...for example, I noticed I wasn't as brilliant as I usually am... Gray, who was wearing gloves, had to pry it off with both hands as the suction created by the demon's talons was strong. He had to act fast because the chainsaw in my hand was about to cut the beast open, and possibly sever my arm!

Anyhoo... the only medic-like substance available was some Purel hand-cleanser...so I cleaned the wound with some of that...which likely saved my life.. because a few minutes later, the swelling began to go down, and my immune system was able to begin repelling the poison flowing through my veins. I have a very strong immune system ("cough, cough").

Anyhoo... I'm off to see what other adventures await me today!

James, the brave.

Yes, he says anyhoo, and just for clarification, the "cough, cough" at the end of the email is a reference to Southpark's Cartman's trademark hacking noise. Nice.

Soooo...if you see this beast, learn from James' traumatic experience and go the other way, or you may be in for a battle with Satan himself.

Just when I'd started to worry...

about "The Office" writers' ability to continually produce new material to match or surpass the former brilliant episodes (let's face it, we all have our limits) they bust out with Michael in the wilderness with his ripped apart and duck-taped together suit pants, eating lethal shrooms to survive. Brilliant.

However, Friday I learned of The Office's indefinite season halt, as in a couple of weeks they will go to reruns until they resume production. This is due to the Writers' Guild strike that I'm sure many of you are aware of. 24's season premiere is also indefinitely postponed. I'm sick to my stomach. At first, I was floored. How could anyone let things get to this point? Leave it to unions to react like this, too.

But then it hit me--these writers are young folks in the workforce just like myself, and producing BRILLIANT material for network TV. It really is a disgrace for them not to receive royalties from DVD sales and such. If not for them, we'd get awfully tired of watching a steady stream of The Bachelor, America's Next Top Model, VH1's I Love New York, starring Juan McCullum (this is another blog post entirely) and all the other gosh awful reality shows they'd be forced to come up with without these writers.

The central issue: How should writers be compensated for their work? No doubt they should receive royalties for DVD sales (which, correct me if I'm wrong, they are receiving little to no percentage of), but what about digital platforms like the Web? Is the internet arena still too big and too new to establish a payment formula? Someone is profiting. Definitely a sticky dilemma-interesting to see how it'll all pan out.

In the meantime, Dwight, I miss you. Jack, I don't think I'll make it through the winter without you. Hurry back.

Elvis is following me!

Okay--some of you may remember the "Elvis Phenomenon" at school last year, when the entire 6th grade became completely and unswervingly convinced that Elvis is my father.

If you'd like details, let me know. I'll just say that they found mine and Kate's blog of yore, saw a picture of a man they thought looked like Elvis (he was a redhead for crying out loud, and it was pretty much a CARTOON) and came to the natural and logical conclusion that A) I was famous because my picture was on a Web site and B) that since "Elvis's" picture was on it also, he must be my father. Naturally. Nevermind the math of the hypothesis given his death date and my birthdate.

Anyway, to the point. At school today--A DIFFERENT SCHOOL than the one I taught in last year--a kid yelled out in the middle of class and asked me if I have my own Web site and if Elvis is my daddy. I ignored it and kept on teaching, but on the inside, I was in hysterics. How rediculously bogus and hilarious is that?? Not only do 8TH GRADERS now believe that Elvis is my father, but we're ON THE OTHER SIDE OF BIRMINGHAM and somehow they've heard this. What the? Maybe he really is my father? Mom?

Isn't that INSANE?? Also, one of my students asked me today if I ever pass gass. Never, in a million years, would I have EVER asked a teacher that question. Now I hesitate to even share that with my readership because of the comments I'm SURE to get from MSKS and yaya, but whatev. Being asked that by an 8th grader with the biggest fro you've ever seen is funny enough to make it worth spilling.

On that note, at the suggestion of one Murry Horn, I'm thinking of writing a memoir. In addition to the one we'll write together, of course. Severed Wasps in Flight: How We Beat the Odds is the title of that one. But I need your help in thinking of a title for this one. Mer's writing one on waitressing called At Your Service: Memoirs of a Waitress, and I think it is SO cute and clever, and she's inspired me to write about my experiences.

Think about it. The material is plenteous. Within a time span of 12 hours in a day, I go from immersion in one extreme end of a disjoined American society to the complete other extreme (Anthro) and from being called "Mi Ha" or "Winterfresh" and being asked if I pass gass to being asked for advice on interior design ideas for a Cottage Living photo shoot or on what to wear to Mountain Brook homecoming.

Now, clearly I belong to neither extreme, which makes this an interesting documentary. Potentially. Really. Think about it--for only about 3 hours (max) of everyday do I ever actually fit into my surroundings, and that is when I am in the basement of my house with the camel crickets. Where do I belong? I'm a constant misfit everywhere I go.

And so I beg the question: What title can I give these collected memoirs? Msk(s), I need your literary flair. Mer, I need your metaphorical genius. This is a call to arms. There are stories to be told.

Twos, courtesy of yaya

Two names you go by: I have never been short on nicknames: 1. C-Murda 2. White Chocolate 3. Winterfresh 4. Clarice 5. Clarita

Two things you are wearing right now: 1. underwear 2. bathrobe (sorry so casual)

Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship: 1. Patience 2. Honesty

Two of your favorite things to do: 1. Watch 24 and The Office 2. Not have anything to do/read and write when there's no pressure to.

Two things you want really badly at the moment: 1. Sleep 2. Either for my principal to return back to school (he is out for the week, so there is no fear in anyone) or to fastforward to Friday when I can leave for the beach

Two things I did last night: 1.Went to hear Matt Kearney at Workplay 2. Ate a worldclass pimento cheese sandwich

Two things you ate today: 1. oatmeal 2. a roastbeef sandwhich (thanks Jimmy)

Two people you last talked to on the phone: 1. Jimmy 2. Elizabeth M.

Two things you're doing tomorrow: 1. going to work 2. trying not to die

Two longest car rides: 1. on a bus to Colorado 2. Hmm...Lexington KY to Starkville and back within 36 hours

Two favorite holidays: 1. CHRISTMAS!!!! 2. Thanksgiving

Two favorite beverages: 1. wine 2. coffee

Two things about me you may not have known: 1. I've never had stitches 2. I don't think Seinfeld (the show not the man...Jerry himself is hysterical) is all that hilarious (sorry yaya)

Two jobs I have had in my life: 1. teacher 2. "sales associate" (I fold shirts and dishtowels)

Two places I have lived in the U.S.: 1. Birmingham, AL 2. Starkville, MS

Two of my favorite foods: 1. Cheese 2. Anything either Italian or green

Battle of the crickets and the swangin' arm

Let me show you what greeted me the other morning as I went to step into the shower. Two of them, to be exact. Because of these monsters (camel crickets. thank you google) lurking in my shower, I went to work unshowered. It was not worth it to get clean after waking up to this.

I got home from school and hurried to the shower to get ready for the Matt Kearney concert (which by the way was SO fun) and THEY WERE STILL THERE. They had not moved two inches. So begins the quest to rid my shower of camel crickets. I didn't want to kill them in the shower, because I didn't want to bathe with cricket guts everywhere, and believe me, there would have been a lot.

I tried slamming a glass down over them, one at a time, to capture them and slide them out with paper under the glass. After they simultaneously lept great heights, nearly taking my eye out, and after I almost shattered the glass trying to catch them, I decided a more lethal measure was called for. Little did I know, the chosen method may be lethal to the camel crickets AND myself.

I used Raid roach spray on them, and it worked, but not quickly. They died a slow and painful death as I hovered over them for at least 5 minutes (each), fumigating their lungs and my bathroom with the spray. Upon their death and removal from my shower, I could barely breathe from the fumes. The basement STILL smells of roach spray. Today I have a cough. There's no point to this story but to explain why I didn't shower for days (lethal air) and to express my hatred for camel crickets (this is not my first experience with them.)

Second note of the day: Oh how I love my job, let me count the ways. I was going through some papers I made my 8th graders write on what they thought the most important thing they've learned in my class so far--one girl wrote, "I learned Miss H walk REALLY fast and if she keep swangin her arm like that, it gone fall off." Yessssssss. They are learning the important things. That's all that matters.

Hope you're all having a good day out there.

October happenings

It seems like this is the first October that I've let almost the whole month go by without doing some favorite October things. Is it even October??

Anyway, it's been a smite fast-paced this month, which is not very Octoberish if you ask me. But such is life. Anyway, I don't have much to blog about really, unless you want to hear more about D-Man's reading progress or how many shirts I folded this week. This is my first Saturday off in awhile, so I thought I'd at least post a few quick thoughts.

1. I MISS these girls. Bad. I don't like going so long without having coffee with them. Such is life, I guess, but does it really have to be this way? Can't me and Yaya just move to Mexico? LT I'm sure we could teach down there, don't you think? Mere and LT, I miss you two. Along with many others. I miss Mary Straton even more than Junior Mints.

2. I'm going to the beach next week! That's right--at the end of October in all my pale glory. Jimmy's coming with me, and I'm really excited because Sam & Katherine will be there, who I haven't seen in ages. We all have a night that we're in charge of for "programming." This is BonBon's idea, of course. We each have to plan something for everyone to do for one night. Me, Jimmy, and Hailey have a night to plan. So....any suggestions? Sardines in the living room? Skinnydipping? (here's a robe for everyone....let's go!! how hilarious would the look on Carey's face be??) Scrabble? The Office? A poetry reading? Paint by numbers? A foot race? The possibities are really endless with such a crowd as this.

3. I am about to embark on the last episodes of the 3rd season of 24. Sam and Katherine, are you with me? I continue to be amazed. This show DEFINES the plot twist. It's brilliant, and I am again emploring anyone who hasn't yet given it a chance to try it. Give yourself two episodes and you WILL be hooked. Except maybe only for Laura. I have layed down my three conditions for ending my relationship with Jack Bauer: 1) if Kim Bauer gets killed off, 2) if Tony Almeida turns out to be a mole, and 3) if President David Palmer turns out to be bad. If any of these things occur, I'm done. My little girl heart won't be able to take it. But I'm boring all you non-24 fans.

4. I just got back from Peivine Falls at Oak Mtn park, where I went on a mini hike and ate supper by a cliff. It was beautiful. I also practiced my swing at the driving range, which was one of the top ten most frustrating things I've ever done. How many golfers do I have reading out there? Kudos to you. Apparently I'm just no good at anything requiring precise (or any) aim.

(See picture above: Me trying to look natural with a golf club in hand amongst several seasoned golfers. This one's for you, Mur)

Left: Me & Jimmy

Right: Pretty fall path

Weekend hikes and IT'S OCTOBER!!

Hello, Worldwide Readership.

It's Monday night and I'm feeling it. I have a permanent case of the sore throat/allergy complex, which after two months makes me think I need to see a doctor. You can only take so much Nyquil/Dayquil and Claritin before you have to admit it's not working. Who needs a doctor though? It's nothing a little edamame and a glass of red wine won't cure.

I spent this weekend working a little at Anthro (love it, by the way!) and enjoying some time spent in the Alabama outdoors with the massive family of one JE Jr. We ate, threw the frisbee, played with small children (a lot of them) played football (I just got the video footage) and hiked up to Bald Rock for sunset. It was a great time. I made a slideshow of the pictures to avoid forcing my faithful and massive readership to scroll for five minutes to see them all. They look much better in color, but I loved this slideshow style as seen on Hailstorm's blog.

A couple more points of interest:

1. It's the first day of October! Time to celebrate. October is my favorite month for several reasons, which I will not go into. I'll only say that Kate and I have not yet started our Things to Do in October list, which has become an annual tradition. Painting, making caramel apples, carving pumpkins and eating the seeds, and laying on hammocks are among our favorites. Here are some thoughts I posted this time last year to commemorate the commencement of October. Seems apropos once again:

Autumn is the season when a year grows old. Its strength begins to wane, its light begins to go dim. It is a reminder of our own mortality and faltering strength. It is the season when we begin to look, not to the earth for hope, but toward a "city not made with hands, whose architect and builder is God." Outwardly we are wasting away, but inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

I had a few more points of interest, but I'm going to have to leave them now, as I hear water boiling in the kitchen. It's time for the edamame and red wine, and then I'm showering, reading, and going to bed. I know everyone is so jealous of the exciting lives teachers lead.

Until next time...

A scone with your tea, lad?

It's official. I love 7th & 8th grade so much more than 6th grade. They're so much quirkier in their own little ways. And despite all evidence to the contrary, there's still a little kid in each of them. It's hilarious to see how rough and tough they are one minute and how captivated they are by Spongebob Squarepants the next.

Thus I am teaching a few short stories by Roald Dahl, the master English storyteller and crafter of "Revolting Rhymes." He's written some of my favorites, namely Matilda and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, among others.

8th grade just read "The Landlady," a horror story about an old woman who kills, embalms, and stuffs her bed and breakfast guests by putting poison in their tea. So tomorrow, I am taking English breakfast tea and scones for them. I'm trying to figure out how to make them think that I've poisoned the tea without making the nightly news or getting fired.

Here's a highlight--I get to see an old friend, Anna Seesock Langston, this weekend! I haven't seen her since Christmas.

I wouldn't end this post so abruptly were I not half asleep on the keyboard. Goodnight now.

Monday night musings

Good evening, Worldwide Readership. Two things.

1. Who else is about to pop a vein over The Office season premiere??!! It might as well be Christmas. There are so many people who don't watch this show that I wish would give it a shot. Hailey, do you hear me? Mom?




2. I start a job tomorrow at Anthropologie. Am I on crack? Maybe. Some people think so. But it's only two nights a week and every other weekend. It's such a laid back environment that, I reason, a light schedule I can totally swing. It might even help me wind down from school. Plus, the discount is GREAT. I can work on furnishing my house and my wardrobe one piece at a time. By 2047 I can be all done.

I wish I had a fun story for you. When I leave school everyday my brain is a lot like a blank, fuzzy TV screen.




In leu of a funny story, I'll fill out the questions LT "tagged" for me. Whatever that means. Tagging on blogs...chain text messages...ludicrous, all of it.

10 things make me happy (gay):
1. Strong coffee
2. Saturday mornings
3. Samarian
4. October
5. Runner's high
6. Thunderstorms
7. Dwight K. Schrute
8. Winter coats
9. The green salsa at Moe's
10. Good books

Good night unto all.

Cadbury gorilla?

This is the funniest (and maybe most disturbing) video I've seen in awhile. My friend Stik had it on his blog, and I can't stop watching it. It's a Cadbury advertisement. Nothing to do with Cadbury, but a brilliant move on their part, if you ask me. A gorilla playing the drums to a Phil Collins song. I can't think of anything so curious and fantastically bizarre. Enjoy.

Yeeaaahhh...about that...

Okay, okay, you're not supposed to actually chew the tablets. Got it. They're nasty, and I don't really want to put any form of that stuff back in my mouth, but I'll try it the right way before permanently banishing them. Just to follow up with all you helpful commentors. But I am still tempted to put some of them in a bowl with a ribbon in the teachers' lounge--thanks Hilary.

It seems I do not have much to catch you up on, Worldwide Readership. This is probably because I've been completely enthralled and absorbed in season 2 of 24. Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not watch this show, I implore you--give it a chance. I guarantee you--one and a half episodes, and you'll be hooked forever. So if you're TV commitment shy, I wouldn't recommend watching it. You can't watch it and walk away.

I am not a TV watcher at all--24 and The Office and that's all, thank you. So I'm not sure how much weight my opinion carries here--but I will make the claim that 24 is the best TV show currently on the air. Better than The Office, you ask? Different genres. Do not put me in that position. But trust me--try 24. Season 7 doesn't start 'till February, so you have plenty of time to start with season 1 and catch up. Keifer Sutherland: Amazing.

Stay away...

...from Wal-Borne. As well as its on-brand counterpart, Air-Borne. The dietary supplement tablets are meant to provide a level of natural immunity to coughs, colds, and other air borne ills. They recommend them for those who work in schools. Proactivity, if you will. Since my allergies have been off and on out of control lately, I'll try anything.

Saturday morning, Jimmy Jim brought me a tube of these wonder tablets and a free movie rental (to renew my 24 season 2 rental of course) on his way out of town to the beach for the week (maybe an attempt to appease my jealousy, no?). He'd told me about this stuff awhile back, but I hadn't really had any need for it.

I would like to tell you about the events that followed my taking one of these handy little immune system boosters. Read on.

It's 10:15 a.m., and I've just finished up a parent conference. I head back to my classroom and think to myself, "Oh! I have those Wal-Born tablets in my bag and I meant to take one this morning!" So, I reached into my bag and pulled out the container. I open it and realize they're chewable. Nervously, I take one out and make sure to have my thermos of coffee nearby in case of emergency. I had no idea what I was in for.

I popped the tablet into my mouth, and immediately, as though by nuclear reaction, the tablet started fizzing out of control before I could even chomp it. As I frantically started to chew in an effort to stop the violent fizzing, the reverse happened, and I started foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. I thought to myself, "#&%$! Should I puke it in the trash can, or bolt for the restroom?" One thing was certain--I could not swallow it. Never in my 26 years of life on this earth have I had such foul, rancid substance in my mouth. Fizzing like seltzer, no less. It was even the COLOR of puke.

So there I was, caught in a moral dilemma, when three of my worst behaved 8th grade boys stormed into the classroom to get their notebooks for technology class. Busted. "Miss Hardin, what's WRONG with you?????" Dee-Man exclaimed. "Mmmmm! Mmmmmmmmmmm!" I replied. I decided at this point that bolting to the bathroom was my only option, unless I wanted the boys to see me puking in the trash can.

I sped down the hall with the speed and spright of a fairy, spat into the toilet, and walked calmly back to the room. Niko met me in the hall, an expression on his face that told of mixed concern, confusion and hilarity. "ARE YOU OKAY????????!!!!!" He asked nervously. "Yes. Go to class." I answered.

Upon return to my room, I gulped coffee to take care of the knock-you-dead taste in my mouth, but to no avail. I can still taste it a little bit even now. And there you have it. While it was an incredibly sweet gesture to bring me those tablets, I will not be going there again. I could give them back to Jims, or pass them on the mean teacher down the hall and tell her they're yummy candy. Or, I could mail them to the producers of 24 with the suggestion that they use them the next time they need to portray someone seizing uncontrollably in the CTU interrogation room.

Thoughts?

Suggestions?

Offbeat news

There's not much to report here, but since (so I'm told) I'm being phased out of the blogging community lest I post something soon, I will do a quick post before dinner.

1. Was I on crack when I decided to teach 7th & 8th grade English? I thought I'd gotten rid of the nickname "White Chocolate" from last year, but apparently I've only traded it for "Winterfresh" this year.

2. I got a haircut today. I typically love haircuts, but not today. I look like a chia pet--it hasn't been this short since college. It's only at the collar bone, but I miss long hair already.

3. I am counting the minutes until the end of the month's season premiere of The Office. It is the light at the end of my September tunnel, if you will. Ps....if I come up missing the last weekend in October, this is where you can find me. http://www.theofficeconvention.com/about/

4. Does anyone want a baby pit bull? One was found, literally just born, outside our school this morning. A teacher cut its cord and has it in her classroom in an incubator (not sure why she has an incubator in her classroom). She called area vets and shelters, but because it needs 24 hour care, no one will take it. So...there's that.

5. New blog announcement: Marty has brought the Party to the blogosphere. If you don't know Martha L. Cooper, my cute and hilarious cousin, you'll still want to read her blog. Flawless grammar and clever quips...what's not to love?

6. Shout out to my 15 year old cousin Holly, who set my cell ringtone to "Buy You a Drank." It was funny at Granny's house, but not so funny when it went off in Walgreen's and then in the hall outside the office at school. Thank goodness the kids were gone, but still...all the other teachers are probably now wondering if I realize I'm white.

Off to NFL openers and meat on the grill. Until next time.

Good times and map shortages

Hello, world. Haven't been up on my blogging, though not for lack of material to share. Just lack of APPROPRIATE material. School related, of course. These stories from 7th & 8th graders would knock your socks off.

Life's good in the Ham--went to the beach this past weekend, spending good time with friends this week, and going to my Granny's 80th birthday party for Labor Day. I THOUGHT I was going to the beach again, but how could I miss 80? Can't do it.

I'll leave you with this YouTube video that was emailed to me--view in bewilderment. And please, someone get maps distributed to American households.

You're not going to believe this, but...

They're LISTENING to me! I mean it, they really are! I know it's only day three, but really--even before the first breakdown last year, none of them listened to a word I said. Didn't DO a thing I said, be it behavioral or academic. It's like they can SMELL a new teacher. Today I stepped out of the room for a second, and they started getting rowdy doing who knows what, and when I stepped back in the doorway to eye them, a hush fell over the room. I never thought that day would come, and it may never come again, but it happened today: the unthinkable. I saw signs of fear. I think it's the worm. They all think I'm going to cast a voodoo hex on them.

One more thing about school and then I'm not going to blog about teaching everyday, I promise. I got two of my students from last year! I was elated (believe it or not) to see two familiar faces in those desks. Two precious Hispanic students that I adore. One tiny, squirty boy who is the light of my life (ever since he came running up to me during a test frantically calling out with a heavy accent, "Miss H, my pen! My pen! MY PEN! It...it...it...it ran out of PAINT!") One huge 8th grader came looking for me in the hall before school this morning just to tell me that one of my students from my old school had come here--and he had the little guy in tow. I about jumped out of my skin.

Anyway, that's all. Goodnight, friends.

Aaaand release breath

Whew. Day one--out of the way. Once that first day is over, it's good. At least I think anyway. The day went relatively well, though I know now not to get my hopes up for an easy year. Last year I left my school the first day thinking it would be a breeze. Not so. It took a full five days for the monster in them to emerge, thus relegating me to the teachers' lounge for a 30 minute cryfest. So I expect it to get more difficult, but I'm ready for it now. Bring it on. Try me. Thanks to L (many of you know who I'm speaking of...former student...) I am much tougher than you think.

Ps--to the left you see the sheepish expression that appeared on my face when I discovered (thanks Anisa!) that I MISSPELLED "quotes" on one of my bulletin boards! What kind of English teacher misspells words on her own bulletin boards?? Last year I misspelled "remarkable" on the wall, also. Whew. It's good to catch these things BEFORE the curriculum director pays you a visit.

Moving on. Let's all welcome Murry Horn with a rousing chant and round of applause--she's FINALLY started a blog. I've been on her for so long about this, because her life is far too comical not to be documented for all. Scenarios like pigeon poop on her nightgown, turantulas in her living room, pictures of the bull horn station wagon (piece of art on wheels), and stories of grilling out with neighbors (goat meat) are all too good not to share with the world. She lives in Alpine, Texas now, and I miss her dearly. First friend out of the womb. Severed wasps in Flight: How We Beat the Odds is the title of our joint bio, a coming of age novel chronicling the oddities of the two of us growing up in the same small town (a miracle in and of itself), and is hitting bookstores near you any day now.

Here goes...

Oh my gosh--it's here. Tomorrow morning I get my second shot at the first day of school--my nerves are as bad as they were last year, even though I'm worlds more prepared.

I finally got my room finished (for the first week or so, anyway) after a little over two days to work on it. Better than the hour I had last year, right? Everytime I tell someone in the district where I've been transferred to, I get the same two responses..."Start praying IMMEDIATELY" or "I'm not sure where you transferred from, but I can guarantee this is rougher, so the sooner you wipe the smile off your face, the better."

Apparently with 8th graders the fact that I'm so young looking is not going to work in my favor. I could've told you that, but they've got me pretty terrified. BUT if there's one thing I know for sure after one year, it's that I'm much tougher than I thought, but not nearly as tough as I need to be.

But I don't know the students yet, and they don't know me. I say the sooner we get to know each other, the better. We'll all have some stereotypes to break, and we all need to know how to do that, right?

Here are some pictures of my classroom. As scared as I am, I'm also pretty excited.

The verdict is in

Well, after many efforts to stay at my old school from last year and teach the same students again, I found out today that it's probably not going to happen. I will be, after all, teaching 7th and 8th grade English in the bonafide projects. Little nervous about this...okay, very nervous. Okaaaaay...I'm freaking out a little bit. But the Lord was astoundingly faithful last year in my school placement and in all the unknowns, and his faithfulness is unchanging. Let the chaos begin!

I love this hymn we sang at church last night--a hymn of the hope that I've got to hang onto, lest I be trampled 'neath the feet of a pack of rowdy 14 year olds....

Jesus the Lord My Savior Is
Jesus the Lord my savior is,
My shepherd and my God
my light, my strength, my joy, my bliss
and I his grace record.

Whate'er I need in Jesus dwells,
and there it dwells in me.
'Tis Christ my earthen vessel fills
with treasures rich and free.

Mercy and truth and righteousness, and peace, most richly meet
In Jesus Christ, the King of grace, in Whom I stand complete.

As through the wilderness I roam,
His mercies I'll proclaim.
And when I safely reach my home,
I'll still adore his name.

"Worthy the Lamb," shall be my song,
"For He for me was slain."
And me with all the heavenly throng
Shall join and say, "Amen."

Whate'er I need in Jesus dwells,
and there it dwells in me.
'Tis Christ my earthen vessel fills
with treasures rich and free.

Love ferns, old friends and live music

What a way to spend my last weekend of summer freedom! I got back yesterday afternoon from Starkville, where I went to see friends Seth and Laura Beth get married (Seth--college friend, LB--grad school roommate, good friend, Mere's cousin). The Robbins love fern, as I like to call it, has come to full fruition. I'm tempted to re-publish the engagement poem I wrote them back in December, but I'll spare you.

It was so much fun--LB was stunning, the wedding was beautiful, and getting to see and spend time with so many old friends was way too much fun.

Saturday night, several Bham friends went to hear John Mayer, which was pretty great. I've always had an appreciation for JM, but I was never a huge fan until his last album, Continuum, came out. One of my favorite albums, of all artists, of all time. Strong statement, but it's true.

I've heard him in concert once before, years ago, and I remember thinking that several concert patrons were shockingly young. That time, I sat behind a girl not a day over eleven, who was singing along word for word to his song, "Your Body is a Wonderland." Seriously...I didn't go to a concert until I was 16 or 17--when I was 11, I was jamming out to the Pocahontas soundtrack.

Last night, I had about as much fun taking discreet pictures of interesting fans as I did hearing the music. Check out the little tyke on the bottom row, far left. He's standing in his chair so he can see to take pictures with his camera phone. Yes, you read correctly: camera phone. This kid has to be no older than 9, and A) he's at a John Mayer concert B) he has a camera phone. I don't even have a camera phone. He should be at home reading a bedtime story or playing with transformers.

Such a fun weekend...now back to school. Hope you all had a good one.

OH!! Before I forget---the picture in the previous post is in fact my head, but most definitely not my body. I did not actually order a modesty suit. My tankini suits me just fine. Apparently there was some misunderstanding in the blogging community, and some people thought that was me in the picture. Nope. The wonders of photoshop. Thanks to my friend Ivan. Just thought I'd clarify.

Swimwear update

Well, my modest swimwear arrived in the mail the other day--just in time for the lake. What do you think? I'm pretty pleased with the pattern and the fit if I do say so myself.

It'll be interesting to see how conducive it is to wakeboarding. If I ever get tired of it, I can always cut it up and make nine string bikinis and a new shower curtain.

Congratulations, Kate and Will!

No, I'm not referring to Kate and Will of England. I'm referring to a couple of much higher profile right here in Birmingham who has decided, as of Saturday night, to tie the knot.

Atop a mountain in the hills of North Carolina, William Abbay Graham, Jr., aka Willis "Chaps" the Pope, asked my first and best college friend, Kate Mc, to marry him. He asked her if she would accept a peg legged mini-mule named Lawrence instead of an engagement ring, and with wistful tears glistening in her eyes, she said yes. Three times. Then the three of them galloped down the mountain singing "The Hills are Alive."

I'm kidding of course...

But the part about Will asking Kate to marry him (with a ring, and a gorgeous one at that) on the top of a mountain in NC is true, and they're getting married this winter. We are really, really excited in Birmingham these days.

All you men out there, take a day or two of mourning...dress in black...do what you need to do to get over this, but our Kate is officially off the market.

Here's to the future Mr. and Mrs. Will Graham! I love you both!

Top 5 reasons Birmingham is glad Kate and Will are joining forces:

1. We need more curly headed people running around.

2. We need bigger vocabularies in Birmingham and in the world in general--everyone loves learning a new word--knowledge is power, or as I like to say, language is power, and when these two join forces, the general public will become smarter simply by breathing the same air.

3. It's an excuse for someone to craft a pair of wedding chaps.

4. Kate will no longer need the solace of unicorns after a bad dream.

5. And finally...just because they're two of the best people I know. The world will be a better place to live in with these two together. I know. Cheese. But believe it--I mean every word.

Tankinis--be gone!!

Hello, worldwide readership. Boy do I have something groundbreaking to share with you today! Get ready...this is a long one. Something so great that the Native American plush wolf post is taking yet another backseat to matters of higher blogging priority.

Ladies, this one's for you. We may be on the tail end of summer, but it's never too late to check out alternatives to the world's immodest apparel when it comes to swimwear. Here is a little known, underground yet widespread phenomenon you don't want to miss. I'll let the site's homepage speak for itself (as always, my favorite parts in bold):

"Growing up in a family of four daughters, modesty has always been a hot topic at our house! We desire to please the Lord in the way we dress and not be a stumbling block to others. We saw a great need especially, for modest swimwear. We didn't want to lower our standards just because we were swimming.

Several years ago, I decided to design one myself. My family and I wanted something that was modest, yet looked feminine.

We have been wearing this swimsuit for the last few years and numerous times have had people ask us where they could buy something similar, or if we knew of a place to buy the pattern, so that they could sew it themselves. We even had a few inquiries from people who weren't interested in modesty, but wanted it for sun protection.

I knew there was a need out there for someone to provide a modest bathing suit pattern, and prayed about the possibility of marketing this pattern some day. When I graduated from home school high school, I was seeking the Lord's will about what I should be doing at this time in my life while I am single and at home. My Mom encouraged me to try marketing the pattern, and the Lord opened the doors and made it possible! Finally, it was ready, and we were very excited to make it available to others who are looking for an alternative.

It is my prayer that many people would be blessed by this pattern. May God be glorified by the way we dress!"

Now, enter the testimonials (I'm posting a couple of my personal favorites, but I encourage you to check the site out for yourself).


"Hi, I bought your pattern last year but did not get around to sewing it until a month ago. I bought some great fabric that had been clearanced out at my fabric store. Well I lined the sleeves, bodice, and pants everything except the skirt. I lengthened my sleeves to the elbow, and lengthened the skirt to just below my knee. I also wear a size 20 so I extended the pattern myself to fit my measurements. It was a breeze. It sewed up very easy and the result is stunning... I even went tubing behind our boat wearing it and it was so comfortable. I lived in the pool for a week when I was on vacation in this suit. It was so easy to nurse in. I even nursed my daughter while sitting in the pool on the steps and it was very easy and discreet. I wore my sport bra under for support and it was great since I'm very large chested suits never fit me right or support but because I could wear my own bra it was great. Thanks again!!!! Blessings,"
Elizabeth from Georgia


How many seriously disturbing mental images are in that one testimonial??!!


Here's another:


"Wow! ...You are quick!!! ...Thanks for your patience! : ) ...I just LOVE these suits! And I also LOVE that you can specify different lengths in different parts of the suit to customize the suit for your comfort level! HEAVEN SENT! ....Thanks again for answering this calling that God has placed on you. It will be so wonderful to take my kids to Disney World and feel modest without wearing regular clothes in the pool. I am SO excited. Thanks again! God Bless You!"
-Sarah from Michigan


Regular clothes in the pool??!!!


And another:


"Dear Crystal, First of all I want to thank you so much for what you have done. Thank you for listening to the Lord. My three daughters and I just wore your swimsuits and had so much fun. I was able to swim with them and teach them how to swim without feeling torn between dressing modestly and spending time with my family in the water. My daughters loved their swimsuits and had several friends ask where they came from. I've only worn mine once and already have two friends curious about one for themselves... God Bless You,"
-Heather


Aaaand one last favorite:


"Ellie's swimsuit is simply darling - I love looking at her in it!! It is so sweet and protective to her, God honoring, and innocent. I just cannot tell you how grateful we were to find the suit and I will be ordering the patterns for future years as she grows. I want one too!!!... We do not even go to public pools or even have a big pool - we only have the blow up ones, but I wanted Ellie to embrace this early (age 6) so that she will be used to guarding her modesty. And if we do go to somewhere else, ie., a friend's house, etc., she is guarded...these are really feminine looking suits that are well pleasing and a beautiful statement of modesty... Thank you, Crystal, for your commitment to honoring our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."
-Kelly from Illinois


Now, I am not in favor of public nudity, but isn't this AMAZING? I've spent the past half hour surfing this site in wonderment over the way these folks' minds work. What would they think of my old one piece I wore back in the lifeguarding days? Or heaven forbid...my tankini?


Someone should streak these people's front yards. Put a little spice in their lives, if you will.


Now I wonder if I can get mine overnighted in time to wear it to the lake tomorrow...