the ads of facebook & typewriter love

I love facebook ads. They know me so well. The one on there today says, "Enjoy Valentine's Day with your cat" and advertises cat playgrounds.

Seriously? Thanks, FB.

I also love the "Become a teacher in only one year!" Only I wish I could edit it to say, "Become a teacher in only one year and get eaten for dinner by a gaggle of adolescents!"

I missed my calling when I decided not to go the advertising route. For sure.

On a different note, I am deeply coveting this typewriter from Etsy, featured in today's Etsy finds email. Seriously - this is absolutely golden and the instrument on which I would pen many letters and maybe a book (MERE!!).

I am in love.

Is your head more than 64cm in circumference? Read on.

Wow:

Need Help in the Past (Brandon, MS)

I have a functioning time machine (I know it sounds unbelievable, but I assure you it works) that I need a 2nd person to operate with me. I'm looking for someone who is adventurous and reliable. Preferable a male; or a female that can do heavy lifting.

I am leaving on February 21st, 2011, in the morning and plan to return February 22nd, 2011. I am going to November 1933 to handle some business. If you are serious about time travel and are reliable, then please contact me.

You do not have to pay anything, but you would have to provide someone to watch my cat for the time we are gone. The only qualifications needed are that you are reliable and that the circumferance of your head is no more than 64cm.

We will be leaving from Brandon, MS. Let me know if you want to go with me.

I really, really hope that this guy catches wind of this.

bits of my weekend and a thought or two

1. I made Darby's homemade peppermint patties this afternoon. As someone who's had a love affair with Junior Mints since the mid-80's, I of course felt like I was embarking on the armageddon of all recipes.



At first, I thought I'd make them tiny like our favorite creamy mints in pure chocolate and then I would be able to come here and tell you that I MADE JUNIOR MINTS!!!!!

But that would have been more time consuming than I could afford, and really - if I learned how to make a near-actual Junior Mint in my own kitchen, what else would I have to strive for? I'm pretty sure that would mean I would have peaked at 29.

So it was much better for my psyche and my waistline (I think) to just make the patties. They turned out great and they are decadent.

Also, am I the only one who thinks its funny yet appropriate that Junior Mints is on Wikipedia?

2. Who does Justin Beiber think he is?

3. Along the same vein, Katy Perry is taking over the airwaves station by station, and I believe it is directly affecting the quality of life wherever a radio is turned on.

4. I love this side pony via Cup of Jo (also msk(s) gave it a shoutout).

I tried it, following the instructions exactly, and loved it. For the first 30 minutes after I fixed it. After that, though, I looked like I had been run over by two trains traveling in opposite directions.

This was likely because you're supposed to do this with second-day hair, and well, it's been more than two days since I've washed mine. You don't need to know how many, either.

I do look forward to giving this another try though. I have high hopes.

5. How much would I love to add this to my little library? Even if it is only the cover of the book?! Beautiful.

6. New favorite album: The Spares - Everything is Easy

Love, love, love, love, loooooooove this.

My very favorite of their albums is Glory and Grace, a collection of original worship songs that draws from two passages of scripture: Matthew 11:28-30 and Isaiah 6:5-7. The album follows a liturgical order and it is exceedingly beautiful.

7. Watched Toy Story 3 tonight. I might have shed a tear or three.

8. A friend from church, Cory, has a sweet Etsy shop filled with happy letterpress. Calendartines: A Valentine for every month of the year!

9. You know, I think I might be willing to sign up for a day of school in June for another snow day THIS MONTH. I need it badly.

I have decided that seventh grade is not a grade level, and it is not an age. Indeed, seventh grade is a disease. I have now taught each of the middle school grades and sixth and eighth are peculiar purgatories, but seventh is the only one I will say is a disease.

If I had to compare it to a more well-known disease it would be one of the nervous system like tourettes, or maybe rabies.

Among my favorite nicknames I have issued this year: Mexican Jumping Bean, Church-Mouse, Nightstalker, and Redial.

10. I've narrowed my costume for the 2nd Annual Oscar Night at the Fox Den to three:

Mattie from True Grit

(I could do the hair well, I think, and I love her clothes. No really, I do.)

Woody from Toy Story 3
I would even write "Andy" on the bottom of my boot (anybody have a cowboy hat and beltbuckle I could borrow? Vic Horn, can you help a sister out?)

Inception
I would wear pj's, fuzzy slippers, a sleep mask, and spectacular bed-head hair.

I ruled out Mark Zuckerberg because, well, I don't want to get a haircut to play the part. And the Queen of England is out because she made a screen appearance once. That is not even a character.

And I have no desire to be the Duchess of York.

Obviously, my allegiance lies with Alice in Wonderland (which I'm re-reading right now - joy by the page!) but this endeavor would be far too costly - timewise and moneywise - to pull off well. And I just can't disgrace Tim Burton or especially Lewis Carroll with a sub-par costume job. You understand.

What's your vote? It might be hard to top last year's Avatar.

This is likely way more than you cared to read regarding my weekend and thoughts that are certainly neither here nor there. If you're still reading, thanks for staying.

Hope everyone has a lovely week and a happy Valentine's Day tomorrow!

garmin, you have failed me

Happy Monday!

Today was a pretty good Monday. I won a door prize at faculty meeting, and I'm usually not a winner. So that was cool.

I have a great story for you that I meant to write about a few weeks ago. I think most people who read this are folks who've known me for years, so this won't be a surprise to you.

It's just another testament to my phenominal, second-to-none inner compass.

A couple of weeks ago a pretty well-known young adult author visited our school. She's the author of many of my kids' favorite books - she is very, very good - here's the promo for her latest book:



An eighth grade boy won a national essay contest that she sponsored last summer, and first prize was a free author visit.

By default, I became the person in charge of this author visit. Hosting an author was far more work and prep than I originally expected, but it turned out really well and I learned so much in the process.

The first night she was here, a couple of teacher friends and I were taking her out for a good salad and glass of wine. We decided on the Tavern at the Summit and I went to pick her up at the hotel. My friends were meeting us there, but we'd get there a few minutes ahead of them.

First, when we get there, the Tavern is "COMPLETELY not where it was the last time I was here!!" So I made another lap around Saks and circled back around. Still no Tavern. I rolled down my window in the pouring rain and asked a traffic guy where the Tavern was. He pointed to the restaurant directly to my right. I sheepishly rolled the window back up and glanced over at my author guest.

our guest of honor, our winner, and me

"You know, it really wasn't there just two months ago. And by that I mean I do not know my left from my right. I'm sorry."

So we got out, got our umbrellas, and headed into the Tavern, talking ninety to nothing. We got in and were seated in a booth. As we ordered wine, I mentioned that the restaurant was much darker than I remembered. Different lighting. Slightly different atmosphere. Way more crowded.

The waiter brought us our glasses of wine, and the author excused herself to use the restroom. My phone rang, and it was my friend Nisha. I told her we'd gotten a great booth and already ordered wine. We had their seats waiting for them.

As I hung up the phone, I glanced down at the menu in front of me.

And then I gasped in horror.

We were in Fleming's, one of (I think) the most expensive steak houses in the greater Birmingham area. It sits right next to the Tavern. I had totally not paid attention when we walked in.

I cursed.

As soon as the author came back from the restroom, I confessed.

"You are not going to believe this but we are in the wrong restaurant and I cannot hang with Fleming's. We have to go next door (where my friends had been waiting for at least five minutes by now).

I totally should have just told the waiter that our friends had decided to meet up somewhere else and we needed to pay for our wine and leave, but no. I told him that I thought we were in the Tavern but alas, we were in Fleming's, and I just could not hang.

So we paid for the wine and left - the author in a state of bewilderment and "who IS this person they have hosting me??!!" and me, well, sheepishly.

My friends have not, and will not, let me forget this. Ever. And rightfully so.

Anyway, I got the best thank you card I've ever received today from her in the mail. Part of it said,

"You are so like me - ending up in interesting places. Turning corners that lead to adventure. Keep being you. We add flavor & joy to the planet. Your love for people, and your students, is a big bright light, and I felt warm & safe in its glow."

Besides the fact that she's just a great writer, I loved this letter because it made me feel like there is some sense to my chaos, some direction to my "where the hell am I??!!" And it's ok if I don't see it sometimes.

Because really, let's be honest, most of the time I don't.


Hope everyone had a great weekend- anyone else supposed to get snow this week?

keys in hand.

I got my keys back today, in case you were wondering. I'll decline to share details lest I get fired though soon enough that may not even be necessary.

I mean, couldn't I just as easily see this kind of action in the local jail or hospital psych ward?

So after playing detective all day and taking TWO HOURS to get home (usually a ten minute drive) due to this sleet business, I am home and I am slowly regaining a measure of my sanity.

With two glasses of red wine and some really cute babushka paper doll projects.

My love for paper dolls, p.s., has been mightily rekindled.

More on that later, perhaps.

Stay safe out on those roads!

groundhog, can I join you in that burrow?

It's Groundhog Day and I'd like nothing more than to crawl into that hole the hog came out of (and didn't see his shadow!) and stay 'till the weekend.

It all started yesterday when two little sneaks stole candy out of my desk. I knew and they knew that all three of us knew what happened, but I had no proof and they wouldn't own up. I layed the guilt on really thick and told them I hope they always remember this moment.

The moment they sold their integrity for a chocolate covered cherry.

I'm not kidding. I really said that to them. With fire in my eyes and ferocity in my voice. The statement hung in the air heavily, like unleavened bread.

Then, as I was leaving school and stepped out into the 40 mph winds (not kidding here either) and monsoon rain, my umbrella immediately flipped inside out and I couldn't stand up to the strength of the wind. It literally pulled me all over the front drive, where cars waited to pick up kids after sports practice.

I made a poor decision to wear no tights with my dress yesterday. So in front of dozens of cars, not only am I soaking wet with a flipped umbrella and getting the daylights beat out of me by the wind, but my dress flew clear up to my chin.

No tights: Poor decision.

I made eye contact with no one as I scurried across the streets of downtown Birmingham to the youth YMCA, where, coincidentally, my car still sits even now.

This brings me to today.

At 5:15, I was ready to leave school. But when I went to fetch my purse and keys, which are ALWAYS placed in the same drawer of my desk, my keys were gone. I tend to misplace my keys quite a bit, but not at school. I just don't mess around with personal belongings at school.

So I knew it was strange when my keys weren't where I put them that morning. Two hours and a AAA visit later, it was concluded that my keys had in fact been stolen.

Little shits.

I had to say it.

On that note, I have started a new blog. Actually it's a tumblr, whatever that means. Its sole purpose is to store noteworthy pieces of conversations I have at school. Things I never thought I'd say in the workplace. Things like, "Don't test my gangster" which happens to be the title of the blog.

Anyway, if you care to read it, hop over to http://www.donttestmygangster.tumblr.com/

Hope your Groundhog Day was sunny and theifless.

the severed wasp is still in flight.

She might be battle-scarred, but she's still in flight! If a severed wasp isn't a defeated odd personified, I don't know what is. I am going to shamelessly forego an explanation of this one. Apologies.

Pending a liver MRI tomorrow morning, Meredith is cancer free!! I am so, so relieved that, as Mere said, it looks like God's not finished with her yet. And when I say relief, I mean RELIEF - the world needs as many Merediths in it as possible. And she's the only one I know of.

So today I'm thankful that the Lord's mercies are new every morning, that He is the upholder of all life, and that He walks with us and is faithful when our faith leaves us.


Fly on in gilgemrous flight, O severed wasps.