Happy birthday Maggie!

Yesterday was a special day. I'm sure you all will understand. Our dear family poodle, Maggie, turned 10 three days ago, and yesterday we had her birthday party, complete with a festive hat and a tasty chicken breast with a candle in it.

Yes folks, you read correctly. We stuck a candle in a piece of chicken to celebrate Maggie's sweet decade on this earth. Ten years and going strong, forging onward through diabetes and cataracts. What a trooper.

My mom begged me not to include her in the post should I choose to blog about this (seriously now...would I really not blog about this?????) but I am going to have to go against her wishes on this one. Sorry Bons. She brought Mags to Birmingham yesterday to celebrate, and celebrate we did. Despite the momentary trauma brought forth by the boxer next door and her falling down the basement steps (cataracts), she had a splendid birthday party.

I love this pup. Happy birthday Maggie! May your remaining years be many, your ailments few, your bouncy balls soar high into the air, and may your extremely long limbs be limber and spry with which to chase them. Here, here.

Church sign addendum

This just in from dear cousin Marty...a new nugget of gold to add to the basin of church sign absurdity...this was just too good not to add.

"The most flammable kind of wood is the chip on the shoulder."

A little weird, in a disturbing kind of way, much like the piece of art you see to your right.

Someone should suggest having this sculpure next to the pulpit, only with the chip in flames. That would really drive the point home, don't you think?

Where would our congregations be without such ingenious idioms?

It's the little things

Someone tell me, what does it mean my life is coming to when I get so excited I can barely sit still over.....pencils and folders?

Yes, that's right...pencils and folders. Hundreds. Staples had a weeklong sale on these items, practically throwing them at the public for a penny each. And since they understandably put a limit on quantity for each customer, I went several times a day until the sale was over. Sometimes multiple transactions per visit. I'm sure they didn't notice. On the last day, they handed me a whole case of pencil boxes for $.12. Score.

If you'd told me three or four years ago that pencils and folders would light up my life, I'd have started crying. Not today. I have hit the jackpot. After the better part of a whole year with no supplies and 150 students with virtually no supplies either, I can't think of anything that could make my day brighter than a myriad of pencils and folders for under $5 (except getting an AL drivers license). So, I'm ready. Game on. All you 8th graders out there, bring it.

Addendum 1: I saw License to Wed tonight, and I have to say (sorry LT), I was disappointed. I love you John Krasinski, but this movie was a bit sub-par, to be sure. A little too much cheese, if you will. And I even like Mandy Moore. But really, all cheese aside, it just wasn't funny. I laughed harder at a guy on the back row who I heard say in a loud and funny voice, "Do you want an M&M?" during previews than I did at any part of the movie.

Addendum 2: I've been making fun of Diet Coke Plus for awhile now. Diet Coke with vitamins? If you're drinking Diet Coke all the time to begin with, are you really that concerned about getting all your nutrients? To me, Diet Coke Plus=Diet Coke Gay, and it is way over the line. But as the young Clifford exclaims while being slobbered over by Miss Sara Davis' mother at her anniversary party, WAAAAIIIIT!!! I tried it tonight for the first time, and it's actually good. I actually think I prefer it to regular Diet Coke (which, for me, for the record, has been replaced by Publix Cola). Vitamins or no vitamins, it really does taste better. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Until next time.

It's a new day.

Good morning, blogging community and worldwide readership.

Today marks attempt #9 at getting an Alabama drivers license. No, it's not due to the fact that I can't drive. That would be completely justified and understandable. I cannot get a drivers license in this state because of an absurdly unstreamlined out-of-state transfer process. And I cannot get a CAR TAG until I have an AL drivers license. Makes sense, I suppose. I don't know why anyone would want an AL car tag if they lived in, say, Iowa, but it's good to be weary of sneaky citizens. Or maybe this is just a ploy to get extra taxes out of me.

Back to the process. You have to wait in line outside the satellite office at the crack of dawn for the doors to open--when they do, only the first 16 people get to actually take care of business. The next lucky 16 get to come back that day at 1 to get theirs. What about the other 86 people waiting in line? "Try again. It's a new day." Yes, someone said that to me.

Anyway, yesterday I was lucky enough to cash in on the drivers license lottery of the state of Alabama when I landed the top spot on the 1 p.m. list. So I came back, picture ready, and what? What did you say? "The computers are down state wide, little lady. Why don't you wait awhile?" Since I'd already spent what feels like a third of my life there over the course of the past two months, I sit down and wait. And wait. And wait, while a guy in an authentic reggae hat named Hameed begged me for my phone number. Finally I left, looking ahead to a new day and a fresh chance at the lottery.

This morning, I made the 1:00 list again. Yes! If it doesn't work again and I am rendered an 11th shot at the license lottery, I will take that as my cue to hop one more state over and just live in Georgia to avoid this whole thing.

THIS JUST IN....a text message from a friend I ran into at the office...the computers are down statewide again. What are they trying to do?

Georgia on my mind...

No Sweeter Subject

I copied this hymn into my journal last fall and read it often after really bad days at school. It just makes me breathe easier. I hadn't heard it again until last night when we sang it at church...really, really like it. Just wanted to share it. Happy Monday.

No Sweeter Subject
John Newton (italics mine)

Now may the Lord reveal his face,
And teach our stammering tongues
To make his sovereign, reigning grace
The subject of our songs.

No sweeter subject can invite
A sinner's heart to sing,
Or more display the glorious right
Of our exalted King.

Grace reigns to pardon crimson sins,
To melt the hardest hearts;
And from the work it once begins
It never once departs.

The world and Satan strive in vain
Against the chosen few;
Secured by grace's conquering reign,
They all shall conquer too.

'Twas grace that called our souls at first;
By grace thus far we've come;
And grace will help us through the worst,
And lead us safely home.

Red, white and Blaine

I love love LOVE the 4th of July. Fireworks, grills, hot weather, flags everywhere, Lee Greenwood (that's right LT I said it), all the obnoxious songs that come on the country music stations, I love everything about it.

Last night we went to the top of a UAB parking deck, where a huge group of friends gathered to eat/tailgate and watch the fireworks show downtown. It was excellent. Well except for the slaw I made. I was charged with bringing slaw, which I don't like and have never made before. I decided to try a recipe for Asian slaw. Hmmm. It looked like Dooley had thrown up in a piece of tupperware. Bygones.

Even though Birmingham just bagged the #1 spot on the charts for US cities with the filthiest air, it was still a great time, smog and all.

Brett, me and Warren
me, Laurahelen and Rachael. And the cookie Benj threw at us.

Hailey came!

Church signs

If you know me at all, you know that I delight in seeing (and making fun of) church signs across the greater southern US region and the clever slogans they so artfully boast. Here is a list (my personal favorites in bold) compiled by one Anna Duggan of Memphis, Tennessee. Many of them I have seen, many she's shared with me, all are gems in the basin of church sign hilarity. Enjoy.

We don't change the message, the message changes us.
An upright man can never be a downright failure.
Life is hard, afterlife is harder!
Jesus died to save us, He lives to keep us.
Jesus-the gateway to the supernatural.
Weather forecast- the SON is always shining.
God buildsfaith, some assembly required.
When trouble grows, our character shows.
Sin is the disease, Christ is the cure.
The tact in evangelism is contact.
The ten commandments are not multiple choice.
Download your worries, get online with God.
Waiting for your ship to come in? Noah built his own.
God likes fruit, not religious nuts.
Bring your bling to the King.
Come on in to my house and bring the kids. Sincerely, God
Give the devil an inch and he becomes your ruler.
Try our Sundays, they are better than Baskin Robbins.
Church is a gift from God- assembly required.
Born in a manger, now preparing us a mansion.
The best vitamin for Christians is B-1.
"Body piercing saved my life" (Under a picture of a hand with a nail through it)
A trusted friend is the best mirror.
Feeling lost? My book is your map. -God
Anger is one letter away from danger.
For success, knock the T off can't.
Come to church for a faith lift.
Low on faith? Come on in for a fill up.
The best exercise is to lift another up.
CH_ _ CH. What's missing? YOU ARE!
Beware! Little sins add up to big trouble.
The family altar will alter a family.
ASAP- Always Say A Prayer
Why are you looking down? My Savior went UP!
We may not be Dairy Queen, but we sure do have great Sundays.
Get right or get left!
Talk to the hand-the nail scarred hand.
Soul-ar powered by the Son.
Next time you feel perfect, try walking on water.
Don't worry, even Moses was a basket-case.
Fishers of men, you catch 'em, He'll clean 'em.
Higher math comes from counting your blesses.
Prevent truth decay- brush up on yourBible.
Congratulations! Jesus loves you!
Good minus God equals O.
Working for the Lord may not pay much, but His retirement plan is out of this world!
God doesn't want shares of your life, He wants controlling interest.
If life were a puzzle, Jesus is your missing peace.
We need to put the hip back in discipleship.
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
No time to pray makes you easy prey.
A Mother's Day Special (Definitely blasphemous): On the seventh day God rested, and mom took over.
Life has many choices, eternity has two.
"All I know is.....everything." - God
Keep your words sweet, you may have to eat them.
"Nice wedding, invite me to the marriage." -God
Swallow your pride daily, it's Atkins friendly.
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
Feast on the Bread of Life- No Carbs.
Make every day a Sonday.
God only accepts knee-mail.
Make your eternal reservations now- smoking or non-smoking?
This church is prayer conditioned.
Keep pressing for your blessing.
Don't forget your Son-screen.
7 days without prayer makes one weak.
Nothing to be thankful for? Check your pulse.
Warning: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning
What in Hell do you want? Choose Jesus!
Easter Bunny- tastes like chicken
"Don't make me come down there." -God
Some things happen by chance, salvation isn't one of them.
Tithe if you love Jesus, anyone can honk.
If you only judge people you have no time to love them.
Walmart isn't the only saving place.
The Bible is like a parachute, it only works if its open.
"My way is the Highway." -God
Be content with what you have, not with what you are.
Make your paths straight. King Jesus is coming soon.
When judgement day comes, you'll wish you had Jesus bumper stickers on your car.
TGIF- Thank God I'm Forgiven