Whew.

8th grade graduation: CHECK! (for those of you in suspense about Golden Corral, it didn't happen. Apparently 8th graders are all talk)

Now that the 8th graders are gone and I only have 7th grade, the days are much less extreme. I don't think it matters--I still only want to sink into the couch after school and stay there until I stumble to bed at...9:15. I don't think it matters how much sleep you get or how the day goes--I think for teachers, the month of May is just laden with total exhaustion. Am I right, teachers out there? Or am I unusually fatigued?

I'm trying to decide on something spicy to do on the last day of school. LT said she was going to smoke cigarettes under the bleachers with Mrs. Sassafras. Mrs. Sassafras was my first grade teacher and coined the phrase "teacher tired." I like to remind her that I have a new and profound respect for her as my first grade teacher (and a first grade teacher in general)--I poked other kids with freshly sharpened pencils all the time and told lies about my identity. I think it would be appropriate now to smoke a few cigs with her under the Starkville Academy bleachers, don't you think?

Even if I don't make it to Starkville in time to smoke a pack with these two ladies, I do want to do something spicy on the last day of school. Just in case I miss the smokefest, I'm thinking of getting a temporary (28 washes to be exact) hair color and adding a little auburn to my hair. I played with the possibilities on Instyle's Web site, and this is what I got:

I tried one of those temporary colors (darker brown) in college, and it worked beautifully. Only lasted for about three days, as planned. So I'm not nervous about auburn at all. Eeeeeeek!

On to the next, last, and most obvious order of business: the Idol finale. It is, as many predicted, the Battle of the Davids. And so many are saying Cook is a shoe-in--I'm sticking to my original prediction--Archuleta is going to take home the trophy. Tween America will have it no other way--and aren't they the most maniacal texters of the audience? It makes perfect sense to me.

The people who want Cook to win aren't going to text 10,000 votes to make sure it happens. I voted for him ten times since I figured this. Anyway, my fingers are crossed for David Cook, but expect a triumphant David 'gnome' Archuleta come show's end. I'm off to watch. It started five minutes ago.

my meez

Yesterday, school was so bad that I could not go back there today. I've run out of words to describe just how terrible it was/is, so I won't try. I'll just say that in the course of one day at that place, I developed a massive ulcer on the top of my mouth that is quite painful. This morning at home is balm to a weary soul, needless to say. And I am spending it playing with meez.com. It's like building your own mini-me. You pick face shape, hair color, clothes, etc--you even pick your surroundings. I chose this one--she's lost. If you're familiar with my sense of direction, then you know how fitting this is. Anyway, it's kind of dumb, but it's fun. I could seriously play with this for hours. Sad. Hope you're all having a good Thursday.

a survey

Maybe I should - go workout.
I don’t understand why - an 8th grade boy decided he needed to dump white acrylic paint on my classroom floor today.
When I wake up in the morning - I hit the snooze button way too many times before stumbling to the coffee pot. I am becoming less and less of a morning person. Isn't it supposed to be the opposite when you get old?
I lost my willpower to - workout during the school week. It's not only not worth it, but a physical impossibility
Life is - interesting
I get annoyed when - I can hear people chewing gum or food. I mean, isn't it possible to do that without sounding like a cow chewing cud? Seriously...1/3 of the population isn't able not to. It baffles me. Ok, I might have a problem. But it drives me CRAZY. Alters my whole mood, even.
Parties are not a good time to - read a book, go to sleep, eat an apple. I ate an apple once at a party and got reamed.
Dogs are - So much fun, when they're trained.
Cats are- Quirky and smart. They don't need training.
Tomorrow - Puts me one day closer to May 30.
I have low tolerance for - audible food/gum chewing.
I’m totally terrified of - rubber bands being aimed at me.
I always knew I would - regret quitting piano lessons
Never in my life have I - broken a bone, watched Lost, seen Grease in its entirety, been a fan of NKOTB, or been to New York City.
High school was - SO much fun!
When I’m nervous- I tighten my jaw or hold my breath
Take my advice- in the winter, make your hot chocolate with milk instead of water
I'm almost always - ready to eat edamame, late (lately), cold
I’m obsessed with - Dwight Schrute, Cherry Coke Zero, coffee, pajamas, books, the northeast region of the US, May 30
I want someone to - nominate me for What Not to Wear!

ps--gross story of the day: My roommate, Katie M, with whom many of you are familiar, ate weavels for lunch today. The worms. Out of a bag of cereal. They had invaded, and she ate before she looked. Let this be a warning to all. She did make her daily goal for protein, though, and then some.

a dull update

Apparently a reader or two of this slice of the web is getting tired of looking at dry ice. It's time for an update, but due to a violent allergy ambush, I'm about to go to bed. Life's good in the Ham...mom, dad, & maggie came for the day today for mothers' day and to look for a chair at macys. No luck with the chair, but we did have a fun afternoon.


I went to the grocery store to get cherry coke zero, which they were out of. Go figure. Jimmy and I don't call it Nectar of the Gods for nothing. Instead, I settled for Jazz Diet Pepsi Black Cherry French Vanilla. That is its real name, too. But that's irrelevant--I tell you this because when I got to checkout, I was asked by the guy bagging groceries if I collect gnomes. What? "Because that would be even more hilarious if you did." More hilarious than what? "More hilarious than your shirt."



I had forgotten what I was wearing--this piece of gold that Jimmy brought back from his Disney World family vacation. He brought it back for him, but it doesn't fit, so I get to keep it for the time being. I think it might be my favorite T-shirt EVER:

Gold.

On to the second and last order of business of the night, for those of you who care: Idol. We are down to the top three, which thankfully does NOT include Jason Castro. He should have gone home well before Brooke White, that's for sure.

I hope hope HOPE David Cook wins--but my prediction is that Syesha will go home next, followed by the Cookster. He should win, and I am rooting for him, but I think David A. will take home the cake. I think he'd do better in Disneyland, but I believe Tween America will pull him through. I'm still crossing my fingers for David Cook.

I'm off to bed now--ready to get this week going--13 days left with students, and 14 until I am completely free.

Once upon a midnight dreary...

Am I completely losing my mind? Because I just dragged 25 lbs of dry ice from my car into the basement, which also happens to be my bedroom. Dry ice, which I know nothing about, because I had no idea it could chemically burn you if you touch it. I was given this information JUST in the nick of time.

Why, you may ask, do I have 25 lbs of dry ice in my bedroom? Because I'm taking it to school tomorrow. Yep. I am about to take 25 lbs of a substance that can cause chemical burns and use it to create a fog effect in a classroom of 29 INSANE 14 year olds. Sometimes this is what it takes to understand poetry. That's all I'm saying.

It was either this or a fog machine, and I went with the cheaper option of the two. Though I DO plan on getting a fog machine in the near future---for educational purposes, of course.

It was kind of a stink going back to work today after such a fun weekend, but I did have Monday off, so I can't complain. And the day was pretty good compared to most.

Other news:

1. I went to the dermatologist for the first time ever yesterday, and I don't appear to have skin cancer. Those of you who know how much time I've spent in the sun during my life will know what good news that is--I've been paranoid about it for a long, long time.

2. We have a cat! His name is Lemons, and he belongs to our new roommate, Abby. Things should be interesting when Dooley returns from dog boot camp.

3. Has anyone seen Ben Stein's documentary Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed on the theory of evolution? I don't know much about it, but I'm going to see it tomorrow night.

where the deer and the antelope play...

West Texas was all I hoped it would be and more. LT, Mere and I had THE BEST time this weekend in the wild west. Alpine (and surrounding areas) was NOTHING like any place I've ever been before. I sort of felt like I'd been dropped onto the set of an old western movie.

The only thing that could have made the weekend any better is if 1) I'd seen the station wagon with a pastoral mural painted on it with real, huge horns (bull or elk--not sure) built into the sides, and 2) if I had encountered a cowboy with a curled mustache who subtly whistled when he made "s" sounds in his speech.


I DID see plenty of handlebar staches, though, so that was almost as good. I really don't even know where to start recounting the trip. Laura and Mere are going to post all the exact same pictures, so I'm trying to beat them to it.


We arrived Thursday late afternoon and stocked up on groceries of the healthy sort (cheese, wine, and wine and cheese) in Midland before heading to Alpine. That night, all we did was sit around, drink wine, and howl with laughter much overdue. Meredith's friend Amanda baked us tons of sweets, and we might have had one or two of those, as well.


Really, I won't even TRY to tell you how much we ate while we were together. Because there's no reason your stomach should hurt as much as mine does right now. My appetite is WHACKED for a good week, at least.


Anyway, most of our time was spent riding down long, flat roads and enjoying the mountains, duststorms, antelopes and other cattle, and tumbleweed. The desert is much prettier than I thought. Here are some pictures.




If I ever become a famed country music singer, I already have an album cover.

This was the best margarita I've ever had. Ever.Real chaps, ladies and gentlemen. I think they fit me surprisingly well.Meredith didn't want me to post this one. It was an accident that I even TOOK it. Which makes it even more ripe...Meredith Horn, in her element.Practicing for my next trip out west. You think I'm kidding? Nay.The greatest hosts ever.This was not a funny joke.

What an all around extraordinary weekend. I miss these girls so very much. I'd move to Alpine if I knew we could live like we did this weekend all the time. But as fate would have it, I do not have ranching know-how, nor the ability to break wild cattle. So I don't think I'd have too much luck with employment. For the time being, I suppose I have to stay here in tame Birmingham.

Until, that is, we make our fortunes and can retire and retreat to the wild to write our memoirs.

Until then...don't squat with your spurs on.

Summer reading

I'm compiling my list of books to devour this summer. Since I barely read at all for recreation during the school year, I have to take it all in, for the most part, during the hot weather months. I've gotten a jump on it and started one, Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar (which, so far, is really good and peculiar), and I've put a few others on the list, but I want my readership's input on some must-reads. After all, you do have a taste for fine literature. Clearly.

Here is my list so far:

1. The Bell Jar

2. Ian McEwan's Atonement

3. Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones

4. Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita

5. Philippa Gregory's The Other Boleyn Girl

6. Truman Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's

7. Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner

Have any of you read these? Any recommendations?

In case anyone's wondering how I plan to spend my summer days, see below. This is me, after my cool fountain bath laden with perfume and rose petals.