...from Wal-Borne. As well as its on-brand counterpart, Air-Borne. The dietary supplement tablets are meant to provide a level of natural immunity to coughs, colds, and other air borne ills. They recommend them for those who work in schools. Proactivity, if you will. Since my allergies have been off and on out of control lately, I'll try anything.
Saturday morning, Jimmy Jim brought me a tube of these wonder tablets and a free movie rental (to renew my 24 season 2 rental of course) on his way out of town to the beach for the week (maybe an attempt to appease my jealousy, no?). He'd told me about this stuff awhile back, but I hadn't really had any need for it.
I would like to tell you about the events that followed my taking one of these handy little immune system boosters. Read on.
It's 10:15 a.m., and I've just finished up a parent conference. I head back to my classroom and think to myself, "Oh! I have those Wal-Born tablets in my bag and I meant to take one this morning!" So, I reached into my bag and pulled out the container. I open it and realize they're chewable. Nervously, I take one out and make sure to have my thermos of coffee nearby in case of emergency. I had no idea what I was in for.
I popped the tablet into my mouth, and immediately, as though by nuclear reaction, the tablet started fizzing out of control before I could even chomp it. As I frantically started to chew in an effort to stop the violent fizzing, the reverse happened, and I started foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. I thought to myself, "#&%$! Should I puke it in the trash can, or bolt for the restroom?" One thing was certain--I could not swallow it. Never in my 26 years of life on this earth have I had such foul, rancid substance in my mouth. Fizzing like seltzer, no less. It was even the COLOR of puke.
So there I was, caught in a moral dilemma, when three of my worst behaved 8th grade boys stormed into the classroom to get their notebooks for technology class. Busted. "Miss Hardin, what's WRONG with you?????" Dee-Man exclaimed. "Mmmmm! Mmmmmmmmmmm!" I replied. I decided at this point that bolting to the bathroom was my only option, unless I wanted the boys to see me puking in the trash can.
I sped down the hall with the speed and spright of a fairy, spat into the toilet, and walked calmly back to the room. Niko met me in the hall, an expression on his face that told of mixed concern, confusion and hilarity. "ARE YOU OKAY????????!!!!!" He asked nervously. "Yes. Go to class." I answered.
Upon return to my room, I gulped coffee to take care of the knock-you-dead taste in my mouth, but to no avail. I can still taste it a little bit even now. And there you have it. While it was an incredibly sweet gesture to bring me those tablets, I will not be going there again. I could give them back to Jims, or pass them on the mean teacher down the hall and tell her they're yummy candy. Or, I could mail them to the producers of 24 with the suggestion that they use them the next time they need to portray someone seizing uncontrollably in the CTU interrogation room.
Thoughts?
Suggestions?
o much more than 6th grade. They're so much quirkier in their own little ways. And despite all evidence to the contrary, there's still a little kid in each of them. It's hilarious to see how rough and tough they are one minute and how captivated they are by Spongebob Squarepants the next.
8th grade just read "The Landlady," a horror story about an old woman who kills, embalms, and stuffs her bed and breakfast guests by putting poison in their tea. So tomorrow, I am taking English breakfast tea and scones for them. I'm trying to figure out how to make them think that I've poisoned the tea without making the nightly news or getting fired.
