while you were sleeping...

I was filling out ANOTHER survey.

1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Charcoal
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Regardless, something about responding to this question on a blog feels awkward to me.
4. Do you plan outfits? never. I'm also late almost everywhere I go.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Really tired, and overly concerned about Jack Bauer's well-being.
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red? My cool teacher lanyard with my ID and keys to my classroom and file cabinets. You WISH you were as cool as THAT.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I am about to have a formal drop-in evaluation, and I dreamed that in a meeting, my principal told me he had never had to give such a low score to any teacher before ever in life. It was nightmarish.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? Why yes, I did.
9. What are you craving right now? The beach
10. Do you floss? Do I really have to answer that question? What if Barry Herring reads my blog?
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Cabbage patch kids
12. Are you emotional? Sometimes
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? No. I don't think about numbers unless absolutely necessary. That's why I'm bad at managing money.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? I bite.
15. Do you like your hair? I'm very happy with my hair.
16. Do you like yourself? Sure.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? I would. We would get a Mugshots burger and a beer.
18. What are you listening to right now? My ocean waves noisemaker.
19. Are your parents strict? Um, I suppose they were, although progressively less so with Sammer and Hails. As Susanna recalled this weekend, when I first started driving, it was a rule that I had to pull over to change the radio station. I don't remember that, but Susanna says I did it.
20. Would you go sky diving? No. Totally not worth it.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? Yes, with black olives, please.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes-in Charleston I met Ben Harper, and according to Adam Telle, he had the hots for me. And in 2004, Edwin McCain took a dump in my bathroom.
23. Do you rent movies often? Every now and then. I just rented Changeling and Vicky Christina Barcelona. Both very good.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? Not really my style.
25. How many countries have you visited? Just England and Scotland. I want to go to Spain and Austria very soon.
26. Have you made a prank phone call? Absolutely! I think I started doing that around age 11 and haven't stopped since.
27. Ever been on a train? Yes, and I loved it!
28. Brown or white eggs? Either
29. Do you have a cell-phone? Yes
30. Do you use chap stick? Yep
31. Do you own a gun? No
32. Can you use chop sticks? No and why would I? Rick and Bubba said for a country as technologically advanced as China, it sure is a shame they still use such a primitive utensil to eat. I agree.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? My dear roommate, Katie, and Jack Bauer.
34. Are you too forgiving? I certainly can be.
35. Ever been in love? I don't think so, but again, is this really appropriate blog survey material?
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? Working
37. Ever have cream puffs? I probably have; it sounds like all the rest of the cheap, disgusting candy I love
38. Last time you cried? It's actually been quite awhile. Months, even?
39. What was the last question you asked? Katie, are you ready for 24?
40. Favorite time of the year? Fall, hands down
41. Do you have any tattoos? No.
42. Are you sarcastic? Yes.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? No
44. Ever walked into a wall? Surprisingly, no
45. Favorite color? green
46. Have you ever slapped someone? No
47. Is your hair curly? Yes, though most of the time you wouldn't know it
48. What was the last CD you bought? I think Rosie Thomas
49. Do looks matter? Yep
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I'll echo Yaya's answer on that one - I hope I never have to decide.
51. Is your phone bill sky high? No. It's actually pretty low. I'm a minimal phone-talker.
52. Do you like your life right now? Absolutely!!
53. Do you sleep with the TV on? No
54. Can you handle the truth? Yes
55. Do you have good vision? It is awful
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? I can only think of 2 right now.
57. How often do you talk on the phone? Not often.
58. Who was the last person you held hands with? The sweet pre-K kids who come down my hall everyday. They all give me high fives and want to hold my hand. It's one of the highlights of my day :)
59. What are you wearing? pajamas
60. What is your favorite animal? I wish I could sound cool and say dogs or dolphins, but I would be lying if I said anything other than cats. I love them.
61. Where was your default picture taken at? What ever is a default picture?
62. Can you hula hoop? No.
63. Do you have a job? One heck of a job.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought? 4 new tires. Whew.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes.

I didn't know you could fence out at UAB, but YOU CAN!!

Allow me to introduce you to our mayor. This post is primarily for those of you who don't live in Birmingham and thus are sadly without the privilege of following the deliciously absurd antics of Larry Langford. This is prime entertainment, and I feel it would be a disservice not to share it with you.

Did you know we're having the 2020 Olympic Games right here in Birmingham, Alabama? According to Mayor Langford, we already have most of what we need. Nevermind the fact that the city is in no way ready to host any event larger than a monster truck rally.

Mayor Langford even offered up the Cooper Green Hospital grounds for the site of a new golf course (with FOUR WATER HOLES!) for the Olympic golf games, which, as it turns out, do not exist. According to Langford, the pitch is to show people that "we can do something!"

My favorite of Langford's claims:

Badminton could be held almost anywhere...archery at the state park...basketball at the Birmingham Jefferson Civic Center or the "new dome"....kayaking in the Cahaba River....cycling at "the new Fair Park"....equestrian at the Birmingham Race Course (which boasts greyhound racing)...the possibilities are endless!

Not to mention fencing:

"All you need is a big open place, a mask over your face, one of them funny little suits and a tip over your sword and you can just duke it out all day long."

I'll say no more. You have to listen to this roundtable montage for yourself - it's about a year old, give or take a month or two, but I was lucky enough to find it on someone else's blog so I could preserve these beautiful soundbites.

Add Fair Catch to your page

I love it that he says that all Birmingham needs to do to be ready to host the Olympic games is to "put a little grease on the bottom of the pan, butter the pan, put some flour on and put the mix in"

If that's not a recipe for success, then tell me what is.

These are pictures of Mayor Larry Langford and his wife at a day of prayer they organized about a year ago, and they are wearing burlap sacks - yes - burlap sacks - which they handed out to people participating in the rally. They asked people, and this is a direct quote, "to wear the sack cloths and ashes to stop crime."

Don't you wish stopping crime was as simple as wearing burlap over your clothes?

This is just delicious.



To read more about the 2020 Olympic gamesin Birmingham, click here.

it is ironic, isn't it?

In the 8th grade world, we are exploring irony as a literary device. As I was trolling for material/examples in pop culture to add to our reading, I found some interesting commentary on Alanis Morissette's little ditty, Ironic. I always loved laughing at that song, because few of her vignettes are ironic in the least. Which is, ironically, quite ironical.

I wish I could take credit for the following thoughts, but they were written by one Matt Sturges back in 1996, when the song was red-hot. I thought it was funny, and as I will be sharing this Nineties throwback with my students (who may or may not appreciate it) I thought I would also share it with you:

Alanis Morissette has taken more than her share of hits for the song "Ironic." Critics have
argued that she doesn't really understand the meaning of the word, and that the examples of
irony she gives are simply not ironic. To be perfectly honest, I'm more surprised that there
are music critics who do know what "ironic" means than I am that there are 21 year-old pop
singers who don't. But that's a whole other essay.

It's not an easy word to define. Not even language scholars agree on whether a certain
situation is "ironic" or not. For instance, if Alanis and Moose (Alanis's childhood costar
cum nemesis) both moved independently to LA from Ontario and later became lovers, some
would argue that this situation by itself constitutes irony. On the other hand, if Alanis and
Moose each moved because they individually were convinced that Ontario was devoid of
potential mates, and then met each other at a bar in LA, that would be ironic.

So in the interest of fairness, and erring generously in her favor, I took the time to examine the lyrics of Alanis's song, and discover for myself what was truly ironic and what wasn't. Results are
tallied below:

1. "An old man turned ninety-eight/He won the lottery and died the next day."

While an amusing (if morbid) coincidence, there is nothing particulary ironic about
the death. It is certainly an awe-inspiring sequence of events -- the gentleman celebrating his
98th birthday, winning the lottery, and dying all in a two day period. What kind of
luck is that? The ineffective slant rhyme, btw, is a little jarring, too.

2. "It's a black fly in your Chardonnay."

The irony here is that there is nothing remotely ironic about this line. In perhaps her one sweet moment of unadulterated genius, Alanis has shown us the true meaning of irony by giving an example of it that isn't ironic at all! It's a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning: the textbook definition of irony!

3. "It's a death row pardon two minutes too late."

This one's kind of a coin toss, and really depends on the context. Imagine the following situation: Jimmy is black and has allegedly murdered fifteen people in Texas, with malice aforethought. No doubt he's going to fry, right? All the while, his pretty young Public Defender facing obstacles both legal and societal, struggles to overturn Jimmy's conviction. The actual killer, as it happens, was the son of a cattle rancher whom Jimmy'd stripped of a football to make the winning play at the cattle rancher's son's homecoming game.

The pretty young Public Defender, after years of searching, finally discovers the blood-stained sand wedge the cattle rancher's son used in the murders, covered up and down with his incriminating fingerprints. The PYPD races to the aid of Jimmy, with whom she's fallen in love and doesn't care who knows, and receives a stay of execution for her wrongly-accused beloved.

But irony of ironies: the pretty young Public Defender forgot to set her clock forward for daylight savings time, and Jimmy's already been dead for two minutes while she's breathing a sigh of relief in the Governor's office as the Governor, bewildered, makes the phone call only to discover to everyone's dismay that Jimmy's already toast and now he has to break the news to the pretty young Public Defender, who isn't going to take this little zigzag of kismet well, one suspects. Now,
that's ironic. That was so easy, there's no way I'm giving Miss Thing credit for it.

4. "It's like rain on your wedding day."

Nope.

5. "It's a free ride when you've already paid."

Sorry, no. Alanis seems to think that "irony" means "bad timing".

6. "It's the good advice that you just didn't take."

This is very close! Ignoring good advice is ironic, but only if the listener suffers some kind of befitting karmic punishment as a result. Alanis gets half a point for the setup, but because she only sketchily implies the irony, we cannot grant her full credit.

7. "Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly/ He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids
good-bye/ He waited his whole damn life to take that flight/And as the plane
crashed down he thought, Well, isn't this nice?"

This quatrain is truly a feather in Alanis's cap, because it contains not one, but two legitimate instances of actual, honest to God irony. A) It is, indeed, ironic that someone who is afraid of flying would die in a plane crash during his first flight; it's an unexpected disruption in the normal course of events that gives us insight into human folly. And B) said someone is being, you guessed it, ironic when he says, "Well, isn't this nice?" since we must presume that he is being sarcastic.

8. "It's a traffic jam when you're already late."

See No. 5. When Alanis finds a concept she likes, she runs with it.

9. "A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break."

Oh, come on. You were doing so well with the plane guy.

10. "It's like ten thousands spoons when all you need is a knife."

If the speaker is rifling through a silverware drawer which is known to contain knives, then this is ironic. If she's in a spoon factory, it isn't.

11. "It's meeting the man of my dreams/ And then meeting his beautiful wife."

The implied irony here is that Alanis has searched high and low for her soulmate, finds him only
to discover that, wouldn't you know it?, he's married. All the good ones are taken,
aren't they? But a moment's consideration will show that the situation is actually in no way
ironic, since we would expect all the good ones to be taken. What would be ironic would
be to meet some ugly, stupid, fat kid that Alanis spurned while a cast member of
Nickelodeon's You Can't Do That on Television, and then meet his beautiful wife.

Final Tally

Attempts at describing irony: 11
Successful attempts: 2.5
Confusion of irony with "poor sense of timing": 6
Completely missing the term: 3

Here's to hoping 8th graders get a better grasp of the term than Alanis...

The Tell-Tale Power Outage

Forgive me for posting this cartoon of Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart. I need it for school tomorrow, and I won't be able to access it from school computers, so I'm having to back-door it through my blog.




I would just like to say that I NEVER knew how dependent I was upon electricity to keep my routine running and to keep from looking like I woke up in the top of a tree in my backyard.

For two days now, we have been without power due to a bad thunderstorm Sunday night. I have looked like a walking dead person - pale, with frizzy hair standing in all directions, and I have smelled of smoke and candlewax and who KNOWS what else. I look and feel like someone who could be cast in a film adaptation of one of EA Poe's stories, so I guess this post does have some relevance.

Thank goodness the power is now back.

Hope ya'lls week is good!

nita pita

On April 9, we welcomed my new niece, Nita McKinley Hardin, into the world. Meet Nita!

She is named for our great aunt on the Hardin side and for Katherine's dad on the Skinner side. It's really fun to call her Nita Pita or Nita Burrita when she's all swaddled up.

I could not get enough of her this weekend - aunthood is fantastic. See more pictures below.

SUPER HANDS!

I love this one. She will certainly be a Daddy's Girl.

In other news, I have nearly deleted my blog several times due to lack of blogging material. Better to have no blog at all than to have one that you just put surveys and quizzes on, right? Let's be honest, folks, my blog has gotten kind of lame.

If I can't revive it in a couple of weeks, it may be time to delete. I do have one funny story for you, though, for now. I was in the Wal-Mart self checkout line a couple of weeks ago, and a cashier walked over to me all the way from her register, which was several yards away, and said, verbatim, "Is that you that smell like marijuana??"

"Could you please say that again?"

"Is that YOU that smell like marijuana?"

"I certainly hope not."

"Oh."

Then she walked away. I don't know how to explain that, except maybe that the black pants, cardigan, and very cool teacher lanyard around my neck screamed "I sell marijuana" to this woman.

Looks CAN be deceiving, after all.

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday.

Happy birthweek, Nita McKinley! And another big congratulations to Sam and Katherine.

a little quiz...

It's Spring Break, and since I have the time...

Claire needs...

I only have a few minutes before I BOLT from the school building: JUST enough time to do this funny thing that Laura put on her blog today. I googled "Claire needs" and wah-lah - I know exactly what I've been looking for all my life. These, I think, are quite insightful. Particularly #s 1, 14, and 19.

I need, need, need:

1. A visit to the Bunny Planet
Whatever and wherever that is, I want to go.

2. Help
Everyday, I do. Any takers?

3. Private support
Does this mean therapy? Probably true.

4. A bigger calendar
What would I do with a bigger calendar? Unless I had a bigger wallet?

5. Booze to kiss
This could be interpreted any one of several ways.

6. a lake
I always need a lake

7. cash for exploration
Couldn't be more truthful. Money for California, anyone?

8. prayers
Oh my goodness yes.

9. fashion muses
I don't really get it - do leggings count? That was a pretty big leap for me.

10. a tech makeover
Certainly I do

11. to chill
Probably the most true thing on this list.

12. interns
I WISH I could have interns on the job. That would be AWESOME.

13. a lucky break
Absolutely

14. a loving owner
I think this is my favorite one.

15. to die (??)
THIS one hurt my feelings.

16. a middle name
I have one, thank you.

17. persuading
That depends.

18. a plug
three-pronged, true.

19. NOT the demolition ball
This one is my second favorite. No, I do NOT need the demolition ball.

20. Your number
If you are Dwight Schrute, then YES.